questions.. questions.. questions... not the ones like " why does the sun shine?" or " why does the sea come to shore.." but its qns like.. " why are things turning out like that?".. those type of qns.. i feel insecure abt me and her.. haiz..
i feel unappreciated. Today i attended vs ceremonial move and i woke up at 0730 and have been moving ard till 1845 like that... i'm dead tired.. yet i still find her after my ceremony.. i go down to serangoon fro marine parade dead tired and sleepy... all for what? to see her and spend an hour or 2 with her.. yet when i see her... she says she's watching tv.. and its nice and its my fault that she cannot watch... and i just told her that i came all e way down from marine parade to see her lor.. and i'm tired too. guess wat she says? she says.." u cud have not come down wat.." i mean.. bah... tt's all u can say? i put in effort to see u.. but u... i feel so unappreciated and unwanted.
i still feel unappreciated. as u noe.. her temper is bad.. so i have to kip "honging" her.. i told her tt i might jus get too tired one day to "hong" her anymore.. guess wat she says? "well.. u can dun "hong" one wat... wah lau eh.. its like i'm doing all these for nth? is tt wat she's hinting abt?
i still feel unappreciated. i do so many stuff for her.. and when i tell her.. she justs say.. " well.. u can dun do it wat.." i told her that i give in everything she wants.. does things her way.. and this time i'm just asking for smth done this way.. all she can say is " well.. u can dun give in to me one wat..." bah... i told her to change her attitude towards me.. treat me better.. but all she kips saying is..." tt's me wat.. i cannot change one lor..." tt's crap lor i think... my personality is that i am impatient and i dun give in and i blow up easily.. but i'm changing.. u can go ask my sec sch classmates tt i blow up easily.. or my ncc mates.. they all noe.. but now.. i'm different? i become more patient and treat ppl better.. show care and concern.. a person can change.. why can't she? and the worst is.. " well.. then u change lar... change to e man i wan..." isn't tt hurting? she's changing me to e man she wans me to be... not for who i am.. and she tells me she can't change.. yet she expects me to change...
I feel that a distance has grown between us.. we have become more distant away from each other.. after that argument which nearly led to a break up.. i feel a break up is always imminent as i realise i am getting tired of not being myself when i'm with her.. i am really tired.. and i hate being distant with her.. as we are supposed to be close?
i feel tt she won't be here beside me when i need her to be when i'm going thru my darkest times.. but i will be there for her when she needs me... in other words.. i find that she takes me for granted.. she really does...
and everyone else will tell me not to worry as things will work out fine.. but in the previous 2 relationships.. when i start questioning.. its not a good sign.. haiz..
but i really do love her. i do.
posted by gary @ 11:16 PM
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