sweet misery: 04/01/2004

Thursday, April 29, 2004

i swear if i do mr. tan's pe routine for us everyday, i will pass pull up in 1 month.

Monday, April 26, 2004

School's kinda boring nowadays. No scandals, sex stories to listen to or what shit along that line.

HOWEVER, grace tan mui gek, you very er xin. profess ur love for me... eeee... haha.. just joking... eee....

oh.... yes angeline... i miss YOU!

and oh... i'm writing a poem for Ms G and T, anyone wanna help?

Sunday, April 25, 2004

i'm back from camp! ah.... my torturous week has finally come to an end.

insufficient sleep and tired legs are the products of the camp.

well, 2nd month anniversary with her today. yeah~~~

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Performed SSTC today. Quite a few cock ups. Major one was Grace tan though. Luckily i saved her arse with some lines not found in the script. argh... but i enjoyed it anyway.

tomorrow's the camp and i will not be blogging. Well, the program will be.

Housekeeping
Station Games
Night Cycling
Walk from macritchie to Bukit Timah.
Take a bus back to school.
games.
Dinner.
Campfire/candlefire
Sleep for j1s.
Clearing of drains.
Drain crawl.
Sleep.
Prepare Breakfast.
Go home.

INTERESTING AIN't it?

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Well, don't know what to say anyway. felt the cinderella kinda sucked. Cos we lost the touch. She Stoops to Conquer should be fine...

Can i just don't pack my bag?

I love you. oops. argh. I'm getting all mushy. damn.

Shu. Watch out! i mean.. CHRIS!! WATCH OUT!!

Monday, April 19, 2004

ARGH! Tommorw's cinderella performance during lunch time! and i will be cross dressing!!! ARGH!!!!

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Did i tell you i don't wanna cycle again? The agony you put yourself is overwhelming when you cycle through the nite. My gosh. i'm all tired and aching all over. Think the J2s themselves will not make it thru the camp.

anyway, my second month anniversary with angeline is coming. She's really the one. i think so. love her loads!

got to go remember scripts and do my work!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

The start of a nightmarish week.

Today marks the start of the nightmarish week to come. Never ending performances, recces, camp, symposium. everything is coming down to my head.

argh!!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

"take aim"

Aim of life? Aim of things. We come across many aims in our lives. But, at the end of the day, what really matters? Is it the fulfillment of the aim? Or is it really being happy and satisfied at the end of it all?

That aside, the rehearsals are getting into my head. Shu, we must pull off cinderella no matter what. Its OUR flesh and blood. We came up with the script. When you told me just now that you are jaded towards this, i felt a tinge of sadness, after all, time was invested into this, trying to make it a big show. Now, when we've made it big, lets make the best of it.

English Week, Geography Symposium, ODAC camp.. many stuff that require attention..

Monday, April 12, 2004

The memoirs of an egoistical person

Free periods never fail me. They give me a chance to bitch, rant, gossip or just plain talk. Well, i skipped Geography Lecture today and i was in the library talking to JOANNA, who is my friend, whom i say hi to everytime i see her, whom coincidentally is CHRISTOPHER's ex (can you see the context on discussion being set up?) and well.. she's a nice person.

Well, ego isn't really that great after all. You live your life you think the way you should. HOW many YOU's did you find in there? Its how ego people speak.. all about themselves. I think i should do this, think i should do that, i think i am right... all those crap... ya...

Well, your most beloved talked a whole lot of stuff with joanna... totally enjoyable.. nothing less than intriguing. She's a tad disappointed with her ex not even bothering to say hi. And after close analysis with both Joanna and Shuming, i conclude that its his ego that is playing a big role.

Who dumping who isn't important... but surely not to the extent of calling her CRAP?
JOANNA din even call you names...

I'm sorry for this lambasting session.. but just a foot note... say hi will u?

Damn your way of fighting i say.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

"reaffirmation of my faith"

"Are you a christian?"

"i'm not sure. How do you define a christian?"

"umm... do you think yourself to be a christian?"

"i'm a believer. But not a church-goer"

"hmm.. ok.. thanks.."

Going to amy's church was totally entertaining. You get a whole sanctuary(that's how they call themselves) of them screaming and singing worship songs, and you, just staring in disbelief.

My status on religion stands that i am a believer that there is Christ and there is God. But i don't believe in going to church to worship him. Its a relationship with God. He understands what i mean. If everyone's relationship was through the church, the meaning is lost. Sincerity counts.

Do you believe in Christianity so as not to go to Hell? So that your sins will be redeemed by Jesus who died on the cross for you? I don't get the point. The church preaches that if you believe, you are saved. Salvation.

Salvation? Take salvation away from God and i will still believe in him. because he's someone i will go to when all others fail. It is a sort of contingency plan for me because if no one cares, i know He will. It is not for salavation. No. Never.

So what if he died on the cross? Criminals were crucified too. Who judged the criminals? The judges. The people. Who judged Jesus Christ? The people. He who died on the cross was mocked at. For he was born to die?

Really. One should question why one believes.

i did.

Friday, April 09, 2004

"agonized body"

my whole body is aching. Chafed feet, distressed stomach(from the situps), weary arms. totally drained out of energy.

Lesson 1: Never climb blocks of flats 5 times after having napfa. after you clock your personal best in srjc. You ache all over and really all over.

That is the most important lesson.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

CCA Recruitment

What a disappointment. One of the largest CCA in school has been downgraded to just another club. With an intake of 30, it is really disappointing. Perhaps they tried their best. Perhaps they didn't.

It is unfair of how the school does things. The dance, canoeing gets to be in the concourse. ODAC? in front of the hall. Ok... we can solve that... We send people to the concourse... right? yeah... sent them there... but what happens? they end up watching the dance routine. Never mind, they don't do their jobs, we got people at the booths to do work. What happens? Only a few of us(me, kai kian, Fabian, Yvonne, Wei Ling, Shimin(sometimes)) trying to answer the J1s enquiries. Who makes the noise? I! ME! yeah... what's the use of saying you are a crowd of dynamic people when all you just do is to sit down or stand and watch? What's the use of being of enthusiastic when you are an OGL or in class but never in ODAC?

It is really a heartache. I knew it would be bad today. Cos after me, shu and xuan yu left. No noisy people were left. The misery felt. I don't understand. They spend effort planning for the camp. But they don't want a large intake. I don't get it. Do you?

Perhaps one day, they might wake up. Perhaps, they wouldn't at all.

On a lighter note, did the lit presentation today. Hope you all were entertained by it. Tried my best. :)

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

"boring"

There are days where the day just passes by and it is just dead bromidic. The soporific lessons combined with insipid teachers just exacerbates the melancholic school life of mine. With a forlorn face i look out of the window, contemplating buffoonery. Argh, we're heading for the CPF board tomorrow and we are performing tomorrow too. Darn!

Perhaps the only solace i have is in her.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

For angeline:

You and me together,
though i don't see forever.
But its always......

You to me is precious
that i could give up whatever
for your face.....

So why can't you, do the same for me?
Would you give up your life for me?
i know what you want to be...
not to be... me...

your voice to me is sensous
but i can't hear it often
but i'll love you always........

No matter what you've done for me.
alot of things or going to be..
the insanity is killing me...
today.......

but, i know,
you, do love me.
but, i know,
you're feeling bad about me.
but i love you, always and always.......

Perhaps, the world may be fake,
perhaps, its the work of fate.
perhaps i have to learn to be
patient..........

Your sanity is my insanity
your insanity is overwhelming me
Your thoughts are overbearing...
but i'll love you always.....

i know my words will never move you,
nor will anything change you,
but i am not,
giving up on you.

If this ain't love
then what is?
If this ain't giving in
what is?
If this ain't me
then who is?
its always.........

we're always.......................
loving.

sacrifice is the hardest thing to do.

"Passion of the Christ"

It was totally phantasmagorical.

The show started off with Satan(down with him) chanting these few words : " No one man can bear the sins of all mankind. It is too costly to do so." It sorts of gives us a prelude to what is going to happen. Yes. this one man did bear the sins of all mankind. he did. yes. he did.

Peter denied him 3 times before the cock crowed. Judas betrayed the son of God with a kiss and 30 silver coins. He was repentant though because he said he caused innocent blood to be shed and returned the coins.

What touched me was Jesus and Mary. The motherly love was so intense that it touched me. One particular scene was when Jesus was carrying his cross and he fell at the market place. Mary saw it and flash backs to the past when Jesus was young and lost his footing and fell. She dropped everything and went to pick him up and said "Don't worry, I will always be here" It then flashes back and shows Mary running through the market place to Jesus and crawls to him and say "Don't worry, I will always be here" With that, Jesus found mustered enough strength to stand up and say something about his death will be a renewal of man.

Jesus was always so ready to forgive. Even when he was being tortured through the market, he never cursed anyone, flash backs of what he used to preach all came back... " you have been taught to love thy neighbour and hate thy enemy."

"That's all wrong. Thou should love thy neighbour and pray for those that persecute them."

"if it only stops at loving those who love you, what is the reward then?"

Even when Jesus was being crucified with nails being driven thru his palms, he said " Father, do not blame them, they know not what to do"

Your heart cringes when you see a man being chastised, scrouged, flagellated, flogged and disfigured with lacerated wounds all over. And that man died, to save us from our sins.

Though thorugh out the movie, Jesus seemed to self lessly convict himself to being willingly crucified, he does question himself a few times. " Father, the responsibility of saving mankind is getting too heavy, i begin not to take it anymore"

I give the show 5 stars and i want to watch it again. Its very inspirational and it really touches your heart. The gore comes from the most painful moments Jesus had to go thru. shu cried 2 times. Nigel cried 3 times. Angeline was crying practically the whole movie and me, my tears was just welling up.

By watching the plays the churches stage which is so played down, one would never understand how much He went thru. i never did.

Until today, i did.

sweet misery