sweet misery: 08/01/2003

Sunday, August 31, 2003

yes. i told her i like her already.. feels so much better now.

i wish i can find the courage to tell u that i do like u. i wonder if u do.

Sitting behind this screen
awaiting the moment,
for the smile on my face,
when your name appears.
Fingers tapping the keys
cool breeze blows through
my hair. The warm thoughts
and the laughing we share.
Hours passing as we mature.
Closer and closer the pain of
love can I endure.
How can I put into words
how I feel, can this be
true, can it be real?
Dare I say these little
words, never wanting to
push you away, only praying
I could have you each and every day.
Am I allowed, can I say...? "I am in love with you
each and every way."
The words "I love you" are such little words,
but have a tremendous meaning.
I can't say .... "Sorry didn't mean to fall."
But I have been Blessed to know you at all.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

think i'm falling sick... got flu and fever and stuff.... slept at 12 plus yesterday.. but woke up at nine plus today.. then 1 sleep till 4.... and now still sleepy... my forehead is feeling warm and i'm using lotsa tissue paper... *sniffles* haiz.. dunno wat i did... y sick.. muz be because i din drink enuf water...

had a dream jus now... dreamt of myself dying... i also dream of dying... so its nth new to me....

well... happy bday to yan sze mum.... enjoy yourself @ town today ya... hmm...

my life's in a mess... yes it is... going to promos soon and my studies are like not even halfway done.. i'm so bloody dead. i dunno wat is going on.... i look as if i know.. but i dun.... really? yes... really... think i have a split personality problem too... but i dunno where is my other personality...

Last night I prayed to God
to please send me my true love
Open up the gates of heaven
and send me my angel from up above

God then told me that I'm waiting
and I'm not ready for it yet
He said she is definately out there
but we have never even met

How am I supposed to find my love
If I don't know where to start
God then replied to me
and told me to just follow my heart

I know that she is out there
just waiting for love to find her as well
I look forward to the day we meet
but how will I be able to tell

You will know her when you see her
and fall in love just instantly
So just be patient my son
all you have to do is believe

I believe in love so bad
that I crave it almost everyday
I can't wait till I find my true love
I just don't know what to say

so true isn't it? always waiting for him/her to appear... anyway... turn left turn right coming out on sept 11... who wants to go watch? leave a msg on the dekap board... ruiyi and yan sze... u all are cordially invited too... ena and li yen too.. lisany too!

maybe i do love you
am i jus bluffing myself
by saying i dun
i dunno.

wud u sms someone to tell someone tt u wud be calling @ 1215 in e morning? wat an unearthly hour to tok lor... sometimes.. i jus know that i nvr misjudge ppl.... he's a gd example! tok w/o goin thru his brains! wth... anyway... tt is nt the prob.. the prob is.... ya.... lisany... take care ya... really good care....
u're a nice gal.. dun let it go to waste...

Friday, August 29, 2003

hmm... din go abck to vs today.. went home instead... was tired.... went out for lunch with ena and chris.

hey shu... i din mean anything of knowing u abt reading from ya blog... its jus a thot of mine that i put it down.. no hard feelings ya...

din go anywhere today. went home to catch up on my sleep... my darke eye rings are appearing again. and something stressing me out.... PROMOS! will i pass it? wonder if we are sitting for full lit papers.. if so.... then it will be 9hrs of lit lorx... that.. is so damn long.. and wat abt chi... i muz start memorising.. so much to study.. wat abt geog? i haven caught on to anything yet.. haix.. and its nearing one yr...

hmm... realised alot of ppl misinterpreted my entry abt yan sze... there is NOTHING goin in bet us..

hey merianna.. if u are reading this... can u like put down ur blog add. in the tag board? the msg sent was really sweet... no underlying meaning i hope? jus a frenship msg or smth more? i dunno... i dun wish to mis interpret...

Thursday, August 28, 2003

was going thru shuming's blog.. read abt his entry on mars. and someone on the dekap tagboard saying we won't see it for how many lifetimes later. i was thinking.... shuming.. think of tt moment tt u spent with u mum when both of ya watched mars together.. think of tt moment... for all those who watched it with someone else or people... think of tt moment. have u ever thot that this is one of the finest moments u all spent together? have u realised tt is called quality time spent together? have u realised tt by sacrificing tt few mintues... u all have something etched in ur memory? shu... u haven seen it..

have u heard of this phrase? "every breath i take, takes me one closer to my last?" its coined by luke.. but think of it... wat if u died tmr? wat wud u bring with u to ur grave? think of it.

sleepy now...

jus came back from school.. hmm.. late ya? haha... yupp.. today gp was fun... had an eye feast of looking at the funny antics of ruiyi... when the advertisement of "house of 1000 corpses" came out.. she din dare to look at it... haha.. damn funny... of cos got look at yan sze la... she also damn funny... like dead bored like tt... haha....

lisany.. wan happy meal ah? one day free we go candlelight dinner eat happy meal k? haha... yan sze wun jealous one lar... dun worry.. she very nice one... haha...

odac... lets see.. nth to blog abt odac today... jus tt odac is smth i will love.... and can't wait for promos to be over.. so can start training... hmm....

think tt's all.. oh.. had a gathering with my 1st 3 months classmates.. daryl as usual.. went to drink.... i din DRINK today yan sze! i din drink! proud of me? haha... it was nice lar.. went to chomp chomp and eat.. and luke really talked a hell lot of stuff today... he was really wat he used to be.. not wat he is now.. ya.. tt's all.. haha... MISS u guys! and of cos YAN SZE! and of cos LISANY! cannot! no lisany... only yan sze! haha... chao tao yan! HAHAHAHAHA

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

one whole post on the person i miss wor.... yes... its yan sze! haha... she ah... put one whole post jus to remind me abt my promise... i put one post to say i will remember lor.. haha... you cannot be so stubborn and muz control ur temper... i dun wan to be a victim of ur temper one day lor... and i forgot abt ur chocs! sorry abt tt! one day when i remember.. i will buy one... u fri dun spend too much money ah.. muz save money! hmm... and.. cannot be late for appointment.... cannot run / climb/ hop abt.... MUZ slp by1230. hmm... when i remember more.. will write down... haha... lucky i is only cannot drink outside but can drink a lil at home.. mine is sweet and easy... oh.. think u gonna write somemore le... like.. cannot think of other girls and can only miss me! haha.. jokin lar... haha... not tao yan rite? haha....

lets see.. canoeing completed... but today think i scared quite a few no. of ppl during our 50 push ups. the 50 push ups itself was such a horror.. due to over-riding commands and weak willed people. i was giving the timing and the girls were supposed to do guys push ups.. our dearest pres asked for the gals to do on the grass patch instead of the gravel road. omg. treat gals equally k? i believe they can do it. its all in the mind.

so the girls can't do push-ups? nvm. i dun mind. but the worst thing u ppl can do is to stand up or squat down and brush the sand off your hand and shirts.. helloo... its ODAC? not chess club. of cos i scolded them... called them to go into push up position and continued where they continued from... but.... de wei over rides me and says smth else.. kai kian says smth else from both of us.. so.. it was hell lor.. the people din know who to listen to.. hello guys... i'm ic for this punishment... so.. let me do stuff k? if u r unhappy with me... or anyone else.. never qn / over ride wat the person said... the correct thing to do is to bring it up in the debrief session. cos i dun think its respectful to me for over riding me lor... dunno lar....

find that odac guys treat gals very well! esp ME! no.. its me and kai kian.. help all of them to launch their canoes.. carry their canoes. empty their canoes of water.. all the jobs we do lor... the guys lar... so... ya... its really the guys are nice.. well done guys!

anyway.. went for dinner with lay ee and kai kian and zheng yang... found that lay ee knows gui xian and she said gui xian muz be blind for choosing me last time... then she contradict herself when she said i was a gentleman when all i did was to hold the door for her to enter and let her buy food first when she was last in queue.. hmm... wat a self contradictory person she is...

anyway... damn tired now.... hmm... love odac so much... and of cos.. how can i forget u... yes lar.. i miss u only lar k? haha... yes.. its *ahem*.. haha.. she knows wat i'm tokin abt... k. gtg to slp... buaiz!

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

ok... let's see... ena and chris and shu.. stay back to study on monday? ok? YAN SZE! monday u can? study with us... sinec u cannot study @ home.. sch got aircon somemore... hmm... failed my chi with a beautiful 38 (san ba).. haha... guess its life.. failure... hmm...

Henry Van Dyke
"Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity."

Let me go set me free
Away from everything they want me to be
I'm human and I make mistakes
I don't want to be like them,
Not fakes
If I can't be or find what I can do
I'll have to forget about life
And yes, even you.
Maybe I shouldnt be here at all.
Some day I'll Break
And can't ever come back
Theres something inside me
Thats pulling me
Further and further of the track
I'm sorry I'm sorry wont you ever forgive?
Goodbye Goodbye
Theres no reason to live.

PLS READ SHUMING"S blog b4 reading this entry.

hey shuming... duun get too upset over that post... its jus a thought of mine. but tell me... yesterday when we were having the meeting.. wat were u and xuan yu doing when we were in serious discussion? telling yvonne, dorothy and gen that they were fat? and waiting for them to come near u all so u all could comment on them? u noe it for urself ya...

anyway... dun worry abt me being too serious in exco meetings lar... i think its jus my face... mayb bcos i'm putting a smile all the time.. then this time no smile.. u all think i'm serious... but i think zheng yang and i are under a lot of stress... hmm... u will understand when u come to be an Activity Officer. the planning we have to do is just humongous...the thought of it justs put us off. but we are doing it for u guys? so.. i'm sorry if i told u all off in anyway yesterday.. especially xuan yu... think i shouted at him yesterday to keep his trap shut... sorry xuan yu.. but we were really trying to hear what lay ee was trying to tell us abt the minutes of the meeting... so... yup. i'm really sorry. shuming... i'm sorry.. think i asked u to shut up too... sorry~~!

important. i dun doubt my president. he's been in the same class as me for 3 years.. since sec 2... and i know him inside out. he needs a little push, very mouldable leader too... its not tt i doubt him.. jus that i wan him to be sure of himself of wat he is toking... he doesn't convey things across very well and therefore alot of times i get quite pushy and wants him to make his point short and sweet. to the point. its not so bad after all.. he's getting better at it nowadays.. though he can still improve. he's a better leader in me in some ways.. he's very calm when situations arises... i curse and burst.. but he sits down and thinks abt it... get it? i jump off the trigger most of the time and his leadership abilities are of no question. i respect him as a friend and as a leader.

i'm sorry if i give the impression that i doubt people. because they say vague stuff.. that's why i have to make sure i know what they are really trying to say.. i dun like to assume... but u noe my way of talking... its straight and direct to the point. so. i'm not very tact. its my style of working. u do things wrong, i will tell u straight in the face its wrong. de wei can go round the bush and say things in a nicer way.. maybe i need to go for a course in teaching me how to be more tactful.

hmm.. disciplinarian? think so... really... cos of maybe the cca i came from... ncc teaches discipline in everything u do and drills need exceptional discipline. and i'm a Unit Drill Instructor... so... maybe that's why... i know sometimes i push u all a little too hard... but u haven seen worse... PT haven't started andthe AOs are most likely to take PT... i'm not convinced why physical fitness is not important in ODAC... the pres and vice pres and all 3 AOs all think physical fitness is important. hmm... i believe if u wan to do smth.. do it 200%... push to the limit. except for schwork lar.. hehe... and tt 'model-odacian'? i've learnt an important life lesson from him.. muz get to know a person well b4 u judge him.. he's a really nice person shu... really! i know u tend to go out of focus very easily... and with xuan yu ard.. its gonna be worse.. so.. u have to excercise self discipline...

i know i'm very different when i'm in class or when going thru activites.. i knowi'm different when i'm doin the planning... i know.. but tt's wat i am... and dun bring "her" into the picture unneccsarily! haha

wat u said? i quote u... "odac is not all bout activities k!" tell me.. what's the long form of ODAC? Outdoor ACTIVITES club.. haha... u get it? sometimes... the analogy of the table is not good... we have more than 4 sub com... hmm.. but.. dun worry.. never underestimated ur importance... yup. jus feel.. both of ya needs to be more focused. just that.

Monday, August 25, 2003

jus came back from odac. realised that people think i'm super fierce when i dun smile. is it true? i mean.. when its time for work.. muz be serious right? smile for wat? however... kai kian will always be there to remind me to put on a smile. thanks! angeline too.. always reminding me to smile. but haiz... i'm like that k? haha... dun need to scared of me one... although look fieerce.. but i'm still who i am... always ready to smile! anyway.. shu and xuan yu.. think u all need to be more focused when having exco meetings... though u all have not much to contribute... the least u ppl can do is to listen and give positive feedback k? dun quite like pple to joke ard when its serious time.. mayb i'm under stress.. so easily irritable... but nvm.... u noe both of ya will always be my pals! De Wei.. dun worry.. u have my support. always.

realised i cannot get out the vicious cycle of depression. everything pushes me to depression. read the depressing poem i wrote.

A depressing life I lead
Broken hearts is what I feed
Trying to stop their hearts’ bleed
Am I doing a good deed?

Someone to care for me I need
To plant in love’s seed
Loving myself which I never did
Down in the dark abyss I sit.

A gun I’m putting to my head
Pulled the trigger and laid on my bed
Breathless. I laid dead
Slowly, slowly, away I fade.

depressing? hmm... i think so... but i always do look cheerful rite?? hmm... ya.... i do look cheerful...

anyway.... at least have some decent word exchanges with yan sze... though its short.. but its still a start rite? yan sze.. rite? haha.. cannot count.. haha.. anyway.. ur stories were entertaining.. u good @ remembering dates wor... the guys hurt u badly it seems... poor thing....

li yen.. why u look so moody today? haha... ur specs look ok on u lar.. dun worry...

lisany. though it might be over for u and ahem... but... i will always be here for u. yes i do.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Tell me you'll be there,
When the roads get too rough,
Tell me you'll be there,
When I've had enough.
Tell me you'll be there,
When the sky has turned grey,
Tell me you'll be there,
And that you'll always stay.
Tell me you'll be there,
To hold my hand,
Tell me you'll be there,
Just because you're my man.
Tell me you'll be there,
No matter what,
Tell me you'll be there,
Even when you think I've gone nuts.
Tell me you'll be there,
When I'm in doubt,
Tell me you'll be there,
When I'm feeling left out,
Tell me you'll be there,
Until the very end,
Tell me you'll be there,
To be my best friend.
Tell me you'll be there,
Because you love me so,
Tell me you'll be there,
And that you'll never let go.
Tell me you'll be there,
When I'm having problems,
Tell me you'll be there,
When trouble has come.
Tell me you'll be there,
When no one else seems to be,
Tell me you'll be there,
When I hate being me.
Tell me all these things,
But only if it's true,
I don't know if you like who I am,
But even so, you need to know, I'll always be here for you.

*think this poem is quite nice... not by me though... by somoene called lindsey...

i AM LOST! i dunno if i like her. yes. its u whos reading it.

I couldn't get the words out
I can't sleep peacefully without
Telling you a one thing
That might erase the joy you bring

I can't open up to you
I don't know why, I've got no clue
Effort to sort things are in vain
Still you are not in blame

I think i love you
Or maybe not
I'm so blurr
I need you alot

I feel revived when you're around
Its the only moment, i feel safe and sound
I fly so high not touching the ground
You're something exceptional that I've found

hmm... no lor yan sze.. not out of point of ruiyi to say to write on u lor... cos she wans herself to be written here too mah..
tt's y she call me write u... bcos she shy to ask me to write on her mah.. hee...
anyway...a poem on my life.. its gonna be long....

as i look back on the pages of my life
i realised that the ink is fading
and the entries are dropping.
memories are getting lost
and so am i

have i really lived my life i wanted to?
or have i lived wat ervyone else did?
i wanted to fall in love once
but now
its more than that

i made many frens
i lost many frens
i made new ones and forgot old ones
but its the old ones that i can count on.

a good boy at first
ain't nth of tt sort now
jus a tad bad
or is it a tad good?

waiting for someone to tell me she likes me
i dunno if i like her too
we talk rarely
yup. tt's a hint

i dunno if i shud tell her
cos i'm afraid of hurting
her and myself
but the pains gnawing me.

i know i have to face it
and i did
i told myself its impossible
now i think its impossible still.

she's not my kind
no common topics to tok abt
nth to say
nth to do.

hmm.. ruiyi wanted me to write on yan sze.

poem? or free writing... poem i think.

i'm sorry.
yes i am
promises aren't made to be broken
but i had.

i promise i won't
break anymore promises
and this is the first promise
that i'm not breaking.

i know you care
yes you do
i know u were pissed
cos i broke a promise

RUIYI! u wanted a poem too rite? hmm.....

but i dunno wat to write..
It's right, it's wrong, it's out, it's in,
It's good or bad, it's clean or sin,
We each have views, on what's to be,
But someone else's view, we don't always see.
We all know basically, what's kind and good,
But do we behave, like we should,
Heal all bad tidings, prevent suffering,
Evils slip away, but love will cling.

Look at ourselves, investigate,
There's so much love, and so much hate,
We know it's there, but we don't like seeing,
That it's in each average, human being.
It can't be right, to be this way,
So let's be more loving, everyday,
Because living and loving, is all I want to do,
And this is just a message, I send to you.

LI YEN! SURPRISE! U HAVE A POEM TOO!
*there is a hint for u in this poem! work harder!

He watches sports
She likes ballet
He stays up late
She hits the hay
He can't stand cats
But she has two
His type is red
Her type is blue
No flying fur
For she likes him
And he likes her

LISANY!!! YEAH! U TOO!

I want to thank you for being my friend.
Though thick and thin, you stayed with me until the end.

On days when I was sad and when my days were gray,
you made me laugh and chased my sadness away.

And on days when I though life had no meaning to tell,
you showed me it did and the last one to even think about saying "Oh well!"

I want to thank you for putting up with me.
I guess we really were meant to be friends, you see.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do,
if we weren't friends, me and you.

So now I'm ending this poem to say,
that I hope we stay best friends until the end of our days.
Your the one person I could really talk to,
that's another reason why I want to thank you.

attempting to finish my work. yes i know. i'm still kinda depressed.

the worlds revolving
and so is my head
the worlds revolting
and so is my mind

the worlds going crazy
and so am i
the world is unforgiving
and so is life.

do i really need someone
to care 4 me?
to be dere for me
when i'm down on my knees?

do i really need someone
to cry with me
to luff with me
in everything we see.

i'm going crazy
yes i am
i'm in living hell
i jus wanna get out.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

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jus finished the posts for all my ex. hmm... i know its a lil depressing. i am. i dunno wat i'm thinking. i think its bcos of the alcohol. but. it doesn't matter. yes i'm single. and i'm still waiting for the one. yes i'm waiting for someone to like me and care for me.

lit was ok today.. hmm.. jus drank 2 glasses of dry gin. maybe i shud quit drinking.. think i really should. hmm...

went to watch the movie "the league of extraordinary gentlemen". though the storyline was a lil boring and the action parts wasn't really action... it was still passable... hmm...

maybe its bcos of e alcohol.. maybe its not...

i know i haven't learnt to let you go.
i know i haven't let you go.
but i know i have to.

i still long for the times we spent together
still long for the times we laughed at nothing
still long for the times we held hands
i still long for those times.

you still remain in the darkest corners of my heart
you still remain in my mind
you still is the one i care most for
you are still the one

though i know its kinda impossible cos i haven't forgiven u
though i know i have to let you go
though i know those times will never come back
though i know you are still the one
i know. i have to learn

today, i've learnt to let u go
today, i've understood those times wud never come back
today, i've learnt that u r not the one
today, i've learn't, wat i needed to learn.

yes. its for u angela. its for u.

nope i'm not attached to li yen or yan sze. i'm not. li yen's my sis and yan sze jus a fren. but i guess i dun need to report everthing of my life to u now... yeap.. i dun think i need to.

to gui xian(my 2nd gf) if she ever reads this

i know i've let u down
i know.
but pls
understand its over.

it was a joke at first
which became real
then we got together
then it was over.

i never knew e reason
though i asked 4 it.
it was u i know
tt made me make it all over.

now its a long time since we separated
i know i'm sorry
i am.
but, its all over.

to my first ever gf magdalene:

you were the first but not the last
i was sorry for breaking ur heart
i am still sorry now
for i've hurt u.

u were an angel
u saw me as who i was
and as who i wanted to be
but, i've hurt u.

u supported me in my darkest times
u were there for me.
but i left u for gui xian
and, i've hurt u.

i guess i was really happy
but after we broke
i never asked for a patch up
for i was ashamed
ashamed of hurting u.

but now
i understood.
it was my fault.
and i'm sorry.
i'm really sorry
i am.
sorry.

Friday, August 22, 2003

elloz... i'm continuing to study for lit! rock on!

hmm... econs was ok.. yeap it was... muz study for lit! see ya!

Thursday, August 21, 2003

hmm.. not in sch today... decided to stay @ home and study.. anyway... yesterday i went for the first day of the two day thingy of 1 star canoeing course... was a lil tanned.. had a tint of redness in the T zone of my face.. anyway... now i understand y canoeists have such big muscles... u need "some" effort in paddling.. only a "lil" is needed. haha... but i cannot paddle straight! its still wobbbles left and right and i usually do sharp turns and my dancer would near capsize. dancer is the name of the boat. sianz..

anyway... yan sze... i will remember the promise too. others who dun understand.. dun try to understand... its bet. me and her. =p haha... u better dun TRY to take care of urself... u MUZ take care of urself wor... yupp... thats all...
gtg study le.. buaiZ!

So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh?

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

my bdays today. had pleasant surprises. first time my phone kept vibrating non stop. Gui xian jus msg me to tell me happy bday and she misses me... yupp.. i sure do miss her.. but think its kinda impossible to restart again ya...
thanks to all who bought the quiksilver bag for me! thanks for the effort. its really nice and nice and nice and nice.
thanks to those who bought the quiksilver boxers too.. i lurvve it too...
thanks to those who shook my hands and wished me happy bday.
thanks to candy who tried to draw me a batman.
thanks to all of ya peepZ!

today was really special for me. i never had my bday celebrated lik this b4. back in sec sch.. bday was a day where u fight for the ensurance that u can be a father next time... here... all of u ppl are so sweet... never expected a big prezzie from u guys... a cake and hugs and kisses wud suffice actually... but.. i'm really touched and i'm really really really touched. i dunno how to put this across... but... its love i'm feeling now from u ppl.. i know now tt if i fall... i know there will be u ppl there to catch me. i'm really really touched u noe? the smashing of the cake... everything... the handshakes.. the smses.. be it the first or the last... its still a msg of rememberance. a quote from luke "every breath i take, takes me one closer to my last". it really does. everytime i get touched or feel appreciated... the death thoughts come to my mind... for i am really paranoid of losing such frens like you. all of u. its now abt li yen or yan sze now... its all of u. god put u ppl into my life not for u to entertain me.. but for me to understand the real essence of treasuring, loving and thinking for ur fren. this is my happiest day in my life.

my love life has come to a naught. i realised i dun like anyone anymore.. i'm takin all e girls to be my brothers.. like how i treat doranne and rach... did the last relationship hurt me so much tt my heart has become numb? i dunno... being single is really nice... u get to talk and play with girls w/o worrying... freedom is wat is impt.

li yen. do wat ur heart tells u to. let ur heart lead the way. i'm sorry for the scandals bet us. i hope tt guy doesn'y mind ya.. u have been a great sis to me... thanks!

lisany: hey girl.. we haven toked to each other for some time le.. guess bcos u muz be busy with josh rite? hehe.. dun worry.. i understand.

yan sze: smile more! dun so stress! remember when ur physio sessions are k? haha.. dun nid shy when u see me too!

ena: i hope the guy u like comes along.

felicia: i'm jumping into nth.

yes. end of the shoutout... gtg slp already.. goin for 1 star canoeing course tomorrow. not goin SAFTI. wish me luck.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Time: 1320
Place: @ home

hey blog... update now.. hmm.. was reading thru my past entries.. realised that it was all abt li yen or yan sze... mayb shudn't talk so much abt them in MY blog. but li yen's MINE too.. (she's my sis). see.. i'm talking abt her again. kk...

anyway.. tomorrow... me and shu are going to be on duty for night study.... ena, li yen and chris staying back... yeah! hee... then i staying back on tues too.. then wed i going canoeing course.. thurs... study @ home, fri test. mayb staying back. then sat go test then farewell party for odac. i sure will miss the 15th batch of odacians.. they are all very nice ppl..

my life's kinda boring... all work... and i'm kinda very stressed out now already... over alot of stuff....

anyway... i consider myself to be very lucky.. cos if i have problems... i will have amanda, lisany, gwen, amy, my brothers and the gay, li yen, ena(maybe), yan sze(maybe), and alot more.. haha.. lucky rite? hehe...

but u ppl can tok to me too.. i believed i solved ur probs for u mah.. like for eg. amy.. and providing a listening ear to lisany and a lot more ppl... hee...

anyway... peepz.. lets all work for our future.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

geog sux. physical geog i mean. i screwed up big time man... real big time... guess my dad's gonna come to sch.
smth been's bothering me up dere. do i lik her? i know its impossible bet. us. i know it is impossible.. then y am i thinking of it? nvm.. @ least i have my sister by my side... her name is....*drum roll* * LIM LI YEN* dunno whether can trust her to be my side when i need her... theoretically can lar... practically.. dun think so..always flirting with other guys =)
and tt gal mentioned above is not yan sze... u ppl ah... always think too much...

anyway... i miss ya pple... i miss e carefree sec sch days where everyone was so slack and happy together... now my exclassmates like yong shen and jun kok and subra... all pia one sia... haix... i hope i can pia too...

a poem for li yen
I'll do whatever I can for you-
Buy every piece of land for you,
But then I'd have a fear of giving you
Too much to take care of.

I could fly to the heavens and catch the moon,
But I might cause the sun to come up too soon.
I could entice the shining stars
Into their very own quart jars.

But of what benefit am I,
If I take the light from your sky?
I could pick all the flowers and fill your room,
But then- when would the outside be rid of gloom?

I could scoop up all the waters of the sea, clear and cool,
But what good are the crashing waves in a silent pool?
So what, my love, can I really do to truly profit you?

I could probably steal your heart, if I tried hard enough
But wouldn't theft defeat the purpose of love-
Which is to wholly give your heart to another
Without disguise or sly cover-

What happiness has a caged bird that sings?
For a caged bird cannot spread the song without wings.
So, I'll leave you to love whom you will, my dear,
And maybe soon your heart's own gravity will pull you here.

for yan sze:
May your skies forever be blue,
and may your stars forever shine true.
May the kiss of the sun protect you from cold,
and light up your way, with fingers of gold.

May the kiss of the moon lull you softly to sleep,
bringing gossamer dreams, ever gentle and sweet.
And may your stars forever shine true,
casting silvery magic on all that you do.

for ena:
I remember this spot, this path,
I remember it like it was yesterday.

So long ago it seems
I came here,
on this very spot, looking down
this very familiar path.
The sign still stands, as if
it has just been put up, but
I knew better, I was here
before.

As I stand here I remember
how I got here,
who I left behind and
the pain of leaving.
I have seen many places,
and learned many things,
in my wanderlust of death.
I have seen death and devastation,
life and creation.
All opposites of the same coin.

I sense something behind me.
As I whirl around, before me is a mirror
in it I see myself... long ago.
How young and impetous I was, I think.
The mirror vanished admist my museings.
Again, before me stood the old sign
except it read diffrently...
it said:

The path to you

Death is but a doorway
into ourselves.

Friday, August 15, 2003

well.. chi today killed me. it really did. playe4d out by teachers... wow. nice one there ma'am. tomorrow's geog.. need to do well. or else.. my dad has to come to school. haix..

went out for lunch with doranne, shuming, chris, clarice, ena and li yen. well... now li yen's my scandal... do i like her?? hmm... i dunno.... i dun lar.. relax ppl.. i dun... i dun... i dun.... its not self denial ya.. its i dun...

we took a neoprint! haha... but kena vandalised by shu. anyway.. gtg! see ya..

Thursday, August 14, 2003

ah.... my internet is up and going again... haha...

anyway... dun tell li yen her name is here.. wait she will call ena to look at my blog bcos her name is here... haha...

quote of the day: The start is always the starting of the end.

yes.. i miss her....

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

sian.. hope i'm not falling in. i hope not. she's so cute n nice.. to everyone.. haha.. she always smiles... tt's nice..

Monday, August 11, 2003

hi... long time never blog le.. liyen is beside me now.. she always wants me to mention her in my blog.. now she seems so happy lor.. haha... she's smiling from ear to ear... haha... she wants me to say who i gave chocolates today.. yes it yan sze... yes its her... haha... no scandals lor... dun tink too much ah... yes ms lim.. u wan chocolates is it? i give u tomorrow lor... hershey's ok? haha... but she scared of being fat.. but never mind lar.. i still buy lar.. and give her.. she cannot refuse... she jealous tt ppl cut hair and i give her but she dun have.. go cut hair lar.. MAYBE i will buy for u lar... haha... no lor.. its will buy lar.. dun need cut hair will also buy lar... muz surprise mah... if tell already not fun... so.. muz surprise her... shh.. dun tell liyen this...

my internet down sia.. sian.. cannot do anything online... i tell u ah.. tt liyen so happy now lor... kip smiling.. like siao charbo... hahaha... edward wants her no. wor... hmm.. shud i give? but liyen dun allow me to make both of them together leh... stupid lil gal... got good guy she also dun wan.... haix.. wat to do... xuanyu better lar.. hehe.....

she say she will die one leh... i think she died already... hahahahahahahahaha.... i seem so happy rite? bcos got siao charbo influencing me... she lar... bad influence... cannot tok too much abt her... wait she whack me... tell u all in class.. cannot let her hear... hehehehehe... she dunno abt her secrets... hmmm... kekez... tt was her btw...

anyway.. thanks angela... thanks for giving me a definite answer... haha... i hope we are still friends...

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

haha.... now sspsed to be career seminar.. but i'm here blogging.. watever...

Sunday, August 03, 2003

hmm.. making breakfast for ena and li yen tomolo... well.. wat to do.. din even remember y i wanted to make for them.. but nvm.. i like cooking.. so.. its ok...

chris! tomolo confirm playing tennis right? cool... then u going for the national day thingy? call me to confirm when u read this.. shu.. wanna play tennis with us?

ranne, gwen and cat! i finish the lit le.. so dun worry.. help u all print le...

SHU: i did the econs thingy. will be passing the article to u tomolo.. be sure to design ervything and hand in by tues.

LI YEN: haha.. nth to tell u today.. miss u ok? hehe...

ENA: hope u did well for ur com.

Yan SZE: erm.. wat to say to my scandal? of cos muz say miss her rite? and... take care of urself ah! better use ur crtucheS!

Saturday, August 02, 2003

jus drank... with my parents.. hmm

stupid li yen... kip saying that i kip mentioning yan sze on my blog... now mention u.. happy? hehe...

ena.... nth.. jus wanna say hi...

had odac interview, think i screwed up. Didn't answer straight to the point. looks like the president place should go to Kai kian. Hope at least i get the vice pres. I forgot to say i wan to be vice pres! how bad can that be? sian.

last night, tt li yen came to find and chat with me. she super funny lor... haha

today morn. saw yan sze! she was w/o crutches and that she let her hair down! she look better with her hair let down. hmm... we said hi to each other and i offered her sweets cos she had a famished look. anyway... she's a nice fren... if need someone to talk to.. can depend on her...

haiz... haven't replied to lisany's letter. Don't have the time. sorry lisany... i will try to be effcient.. alot of stuff piling up lar.. sorry gal!

the trap. don't think i want to go into any relationships. I don't know if i like her. that's the whole problem. but i think i do. and then i think i don't. i'm confused.

sweet misery