had rocmoc clinic yesterday. my arm aches like hell. my fingers have no strength. my legs are wobbly. and guess wat? i had to go bukit timah today for recee.
nearly died. so humid in there. and sleepy. was sleep walking and tripped 2 times. guess i'm really tired. 4 days of odac in a week. wednesday training, friday ubin, yesterday rocmoc clinic, today bukit timah. tues got training again. but this time for competition. 22 - 23. think we will lose to vj and aj and ny. but nonetheless, we muz train. and prove ourselves to the world.
yes. i'm proud to be an odacian.
went to ubin today. another wasted trip.
singapore's myopic population was exiled to pulau ubin i think. we saw a whole nation of them there. they had a t shirt to identify themselves too. "Rafflesian"
tomorrow's the rocmoc clinic with odac. hope it will be fun ya. anyway, sometimes, being in odac is back to my sec sch days. cos my circle of frens are all from single sex schs and we tok alot of guys stuff.
Actually, the best bonding between people is non training times. Its when we sit down and tok nonsense that we bond. Those bonding activities are just pure bullshit. Don't you think so too?
had training yesterday. now my legs are aching.
Guess the unexpected happens. be happy since you all can remain as frens not as lovers. Welcome back to bachelorhood chris. Rach. we are waiting for u.
Autumn
The wicked sky is an oil painting
smeared and fading
shielding the warmth of the dying sun
Petals of autumn leaves fall ahead of me
swinging me with the wind
so cold and lonely
savagely creeping into my skin
forcing me to feel pain and the freezing snow
The leaves fall
a breeze sweeps them into the air
and my heart goes with them
Are they destined to die
or will the cruel windstorm
break their fragile hands and feet?
If only you were here...
I see you
But you're like the moon-
I can't feel you
Watching you die away
And slowly melt into the background
You're the cruel wind
breaking not my hands and feet
but my heart along with the floating leaves
I am alone again
with petals of broken hearts at my feet
I walk away
stepping not on pieces of shattered dreams
a poem to all in love/single/watsoever.
I'll see you in the distance
Another time, another place
Though, I no longer see you now
I'll see again your pretty face
My mind will not forget you
in the distance of the past
My heart will, too, remember
every moment meant to last
Your absence, but reminds me
of how close we use to be
Another time, another place
Another... you and me
Who can say what lies ahead
We'll meet another time and place
This much I will promise you
I'll see again, your pretty face
Until that time, remember
Our time has not come due
Can you see into the distance
Another me, another you
love the last stanza. another me, another u. my god.
came back from dinner. had a quick one cos i had to rush back for family drinking. yup.
we went to fish and co. for dinner. then went to PS kfc to go see a girl who chris gives an 8/10. We went there, sat there, looked at her and left. Me and shu rated her a 5. chris kept insisting that she was worth an 8.. but well.. we dun think so. edward thinks there is such a phenomenon cos we all have different tastes. well... maybe? it was another guy's night outing. where are the girls. saw a lot of chio bus on the way home. but well. i have to be single. no more relationship shit.
sorry to all whom i haven't wrote testimonials for. i'm kinda busy this week and forever.
Thought of the day: Is democracy and transparency the best deal in an organization? if they ain't, wat's best then?
gosh. the SAT sux man. So boring. and i was sitting right below the god damn aircon.
Tomorrow going ubin again. so for all those who duno.. now u noe... meet at 2 at changi jetty. Last recee b4 work starts.
Going to eat fish and co. to celebrate his bday today. but oni me and shu turning up. dunno why my other classmates cannot make it. they better offer some good explanation.
i got a bad sorethroat.
see ya tmr for the SAT course.. go play games now le..
woke up with a hangover. shit.
alrite. in a bid to save odac. i have planned the next training to be a "talk it all out" session. all will tok all shit abt the person. each and everyone will have a chance. after the cycling trip with kai kian and angeline, we have decided to do this. odac is falling, apart.
OGL sux. the ppl in there all cannot make it. sian.
gin rox. and when i mean rox, it really rox.
went thru layee's blog and read abt some stuff.
here's a little help for u layee..
The exco heard about the news that some people did not get the message that there was training. Zheng yang has volunteered already. first thing u need to do. update the contact list. send one list to zheng yang. u call/sms. he will do the same too. Then got 2 msgs/ calls. that way, it can't be that both calls/smses din get thru. Subcom Ics will have to call too.
THe notice board is not updated cos i duno why. but there was a posting for yesterday's training by our P. i duno when that was put up. but it was dere.
Yes. I was in a furore when the P asked me to collect the consent forms for him too. He asked me to collect le, consolidate and pass it to him. I was thinking. hey. fuck u. u volunteered for this job. we get the work done for u and wat ur credibility level increases? and make u a busier man? but i din tell him all these. i jus told him. " i din volunteer to do this job and pushed back all to him" cheers for this layee.
and the latest update on the breaking up of the exco. Its the AOs, VP, Welfare against P and logistics. The P has the support of the log but they can't do much. We ask for changes and yet nothing is done. Well, i am always put off when the proposals come in. The proposals never come thru to the AOs. And the P always suggests things on his own, impromptu and never discusses it with his exco. THen he has complete dictatorship over ODAC now cos he said smth " i maybe a little selfish. but i want things done my way in odac."
A little? fuck u.
well.. good morning. will be going to school again later. for some ogl meeting. yupp! had a good rest le! my gosh. SAT starting le..... on sat. sianz
had odac training. the smu-ntu-nus-jc odac jamboree organisers came down and briefed us. can send 18 competitors down. hmm.. 1 team ready le.. left 2 teams to fill up. Then we did fartlek training while waiting for the first aid people and physic extra lessons people to come back.
Hop up gallery stairs
Do 20 counts of 4 jumping jacks
hop up the seats of the gallery in a jump to the top level.
Do 20 crunches
Run to the bicycles area
Do 20 counts of flutter kicks.
Run down to track.
Run 400m.
"horse standing" zhan ma on the plank for 60secs
"horse standing"on the grass for another 60 secs.
Play soccer for 30 mins.
PT again
Endurance training. 400m sprint then hold in pushup position till whole team completes sprint.
Circuit training. Guys 5 pullups, girls 10 inclined pull ups.
run across plank.
climb wall.
400m run.
log lifting.20 times.
Team Building exercise by mr. Goh
Build a Dome Tent and get all odacians inside in the shortest time possible.
TIme taken to build and sing a song - 3 mins 19s
Time taken to dismantle and pack - 2mins 49s
slept 12 hrs after tt training
yes. odac later. sianz. anyway.. gonna have pt later. think today is gonna be another screwed up day.
quote: eating an apple a day keeps not the dentist away.
took up chris's advice and went for 20 laps in the pool. no kick.
decided to take up swimming back as my hobby. that used to be my hobby. that explains my huge thighs.
a poem i thot of while i was doin 20 laps
Don't look behind
Don't look behind...
there are memories of lost love,
there are hearts that lie broken,
things left undone,
words left unspoken.
Don't look behind...
there are tears waiting to fall,
there`s pain nobody can take,
there are memories waiting to hurt you-
your heart`s gonna break.
Don't look behind...
you`re never going to return,
whatever you`re looking for... is gone,
you`re gonna feel so torn and sad,
you`re going to feel alone.
Don't look behind...
there are friends going away,
innocent eyes filled with tears,
because of memories you`ll never forget,
built up inside through the years.
Don't look behind...
the hand you want to hold is slipping away,
your feet are too weak to hold you,
you`re gonna try to be on your own,
there`s nothing much you can do.
Don't look behind...
yes i'm back from dinner. nice outing the guys had. walked and shopped but din buy anything though. except for two sex bands. white and black.
"I can't help it" taht's wat shu said. chris and i caught him staring/ looking at guys 13 times. "but i only looking at their butt." oh yes. now, we know. chinaman is indeed gay.
Smth i thought of while in the train.
Perhaps now, with love so far behind me
And no rapport to chain or blind me,
I could practise the finer arts carved by man.
A portrait, a painting, to pass the time.
An Athenian sculpture, to capture time
With the Arts of Sound, the plays that rhyme.
Perhaps some music, composed by my hand,
A political speech for a weary land.
Or sonnets that sing where no angel can.
All forms of heaven I would gladly learn
And master beyond that which hard work can earn
For through them my passion for art might burn
Even though I know
All my sonnets, my plays.
My music, my portraits,
My talk and praise.
My landscape of days - a painted blur,
my speeches in memoriam, the songs I raise.
My art, my ways... would be for her.
QuOtE: ItS aMaZiNg h0w oNe mInuTe yOu cAn’t iMagInE liVing yOur lIfe without someone...and the next second you find yourself doing exactly that.
well... have been doing Success With Words for the past 2 days. yes. the title speaks for itself. they are indeed successful in making me seem like a dolt. My face evinces a terror when i see words that seem so foreign. this whole book is such a farce.
going out for dinner with my 2 bros. yup.
To anYonE wHo reAds THiS
Some swollen day
when the crying
is done
we’ll walk through
lush green possibilities,
wearing the bright day
like a shiny blue badge,
riding astride
the windy warmth
that carries us away
into long forgotten
evening dreams.
qUoTe: i Am mY dreAm cOme trUe, UnfoRtuNateLy, i FounD mysELf tHe gReAteSt nIgHtmAre toO.
had a good time stroking the ball today.
goin to grandma hse later for soccer... hee... nth much to blog.. tata~
quote: I fell too fast, I felt too much
The world in my eyes
When the sun rises,
i see people dying,
people trying to live
babies.
When the sun sets,
i see people crying
people trying to die.
dead babies.
Is there peace at all
or is peace turmoil?
is love painful?
or is it painful to love?
The Sun rises for another day.
the guns still rattles.
people still die.
wat abt me?
is this the world that is meant to be?
is this the cold world people have been toking abt?
warm at first
cold in the end.
life.
that's it in my eyes.
Quote: I'm standing on the moon with nothing else to do, I have a beautiful view of heaven but I just want to be with you
as some of u have already known... i have another blog.. tt's quite a personal blog.. tt blog will be abt my probs in life... this blog will be for the mundane life of mine. to those who know abt my other blog... jus keep it to yourself.
i am some kind of drunk. in a bad mood. nth seems to be goin in my way. girls can seek sympathy and concern while guys have to put on a brave front and go thru it all.
haiz. i think i shouldn't drink so much.. u all wouldn;t wan to know how much i drank.. my dad'd dead drunk.
life sux.
this is gonna be the last entry i'm telling YOU on PW.
nth more of those shit on my blog, and your blog.
yes lady. if u could kindly read, i din at any point say that the other group members din do any god damn fucking work. please get your facts right. thanks. either u can't read, or u can't comprehend huh.
I dun value myself too much. on that, i'm not gonna elaborate. You know my worth to the group. Evaluate yourself first b4 u evaluate others.
keeping the written reports and watever fucking shit minutes doesn't equate to doing work. i can fucking print 100 copies of it and yet, not a word inside the document was typed by me. SO is that defined as doing work? wake up.
Can u pls tell me when was the last time we had minutes? its like eons past. so, that just shows how much u are lagging in ur OWN WORLD.Doranne was slugging her guts out for our OP! not minutes! u dun even noe wat she was working for. wat's the world coming to?
And yes, on ur last para, its so contradicting. the previous paragraphs were justifications on why u are not a fucker and then the last para, u said u were a fucker. tt's u. always contradicting.
And for the record. This will be my last entry. Go cry ur damn heart out and u will feel better. wanted to tell u this after the op, but scared u might jus cry, well... u still did. i'm sorry. I know i'm harsh when scolding people. boys scolded by me in sec sch also cried. so... when i read that u cried. wasn't surprising. cmon, be a nice ass, we're still frens rite? like the good old days. no mroe pw le.
jus thot of writing a poem.
The empty space
There was a space in my heart,
it wasn't meant for you
but you filled it up so well
And i thot, it was made for you.
I sang love songs to you
not anymore,
the space in my heart
remains empty once more.
I've left a place in my heart for you,
and hope u did the same too
Hoping you may come back someday
only to see u go another way.
The days went passing by,
u never came.
I thot i lost it all.
thot it was all a game.
the space still remains empty
awaiting someone to fill
but if fate decides to play me out
chances, quite a few.
If i told you i loved you before,
would you believe me?
Never found the words to tell you
nor any soul did know.
I think i won't tell you
for its cheating on fate
Fate decides who to fill
and i hope its u.
woo. long poem. haha... wait. this is not to anyone. jus a thot of mine.
just came back from the airport. brought the little kid of mine there to watch planes... he loves them... while he was there seeing the planes take off and land... i was watching him in his happiest self. I saw myself thru hie eyes, a life where one onli worries about bring hungry and worries abt having poo in his pants. its more than that for me now.
the world is amazing. It pressures people so much.
oh ya. there is odac tmr. to all odacians.. pls bring along ur pt kit. we will have pt tmr. after goh's meeting with us.
saw holland v today again. found a nice quote.
"isn't it good to possess nothing, so you won't lose anything?"
bought new games. ISS3 and illegal street racing. well... love ya peepz
now that pw is over. listen to wat i have to say. listen to my justifications of whether i should hate you.
Yes. Fuck pw. Tt's first. then. fuck u. u wan to know y? from day 1, i have been slogging my fucking ass off for ya ppl. always trying to save our asses.. keeping a copy of the minutes. came up with this fucking idea of doin this topic. tried to do filing for u ppl. typed out the fucking first written report. did the whole fucking op presentation. worried for our fucking pw things. always is i call for meeting to solve the fucking shit we meet. place and time always call me decide. ain't u the fucking leader or ain't dere other damn members? well. fuck it.
sorry. that was a rant... feel so much better now.. well.. i dun exactly hate u.. but... jus that... its over le.. so nvm lar..
caught the last two episodes of Holland V. Today and tmr's episode quite saddening. that ming guy is too insecure. Then jingjing still likes that xiao xing. haiz. sad case.
Today brought the little boy out... go for a short walk. tmr gotta go excercise. then muz try to find a job.
Finally can play S.E.N.S (wish) on the piano perfectly. such an acheivement. haha.
quote of the day: You were my favorite mistake
MY GOD! i'm so excited! me, shu and chris went to Ikea for lunch and at queensway... i saw a chio gal! she's 6/10 man! i couldn't take my eyes off her. shud have gotten the number from her! but shu and chris stopped me short of it! well.. thanks!
op ok lar. nth much! but. premaritial sex is wrong!
changed my msn nick to this.
If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.
how true.
yes. i'm back. with more scandals this time. but first, i have to fill u in on the details.
Me and shu went to ubin for odac. woke up at 615 on a sat morn lor.. in the end, we went cycling..7 of us.... haha... cycle super far.. cycled till sunburn... and now black black le.. haha... think the cip proj is gonna cock up. trust me.
ok.. then we went to cheryl hse to bathe and then watch matrix revolutions with some of our classmates... its much cooler than the previous one "reloaded". anyway... found out a lot of blibical references and lotsa "deja vu" scenes... haha
after that... it was dinner then back to cheryl's hse for sex and the city marathon. the show is super hilarous and u could die laughing at the sex scenes.. haha... its very crude though. not recommended for guai kias... like doranne *sniggers*
then while we were there... i was "babysitting" 5 teenagers.. making sure they have a supply of water to drink from... make sure the empty cups are refilled and the waste disposed properly.. microwaved popcorn too! haha....
so they said they were not goin to sleep. in the end. the last survivor was me.. all alone not asleep.. even doranne was asleep. she gave in in the end. all useless! haha.... jokin.. but i din get a single wink after i woke up to go for ubin! shucks! super tired now...
yup! going to slp soon! tata~~
WAIT! i forgot abt the scandals! haha... its jus that shu had his legs over doranne while amy was hugging karsten when she slp and karsten was so guai that he din move at all.. amazing!
well.. a certain lady from 1a4 wanted an update.. here it is.. haha...
nth much to tok. jus tt odac is sapping me!
well.. had chi paper today... think have to retake le.. haiz...
anyway.. tmr is the one month for her and him.. all the best! congrats.
odac. tmr goin pulau ubin then going to cheryl's hse... yup. can me and shu go there straight after ubin and take a shower there? hmm... hope tmr will be fun.
arGH! jus read lay ee's blog... kinda put off but ya.. its my fault. I know the AOs have a responsibility to inform the whole exco of the activity. but it wasn't us who wanted that training. and u read too much into the phrase"bring pt kit"... its not tt we r gonna carry out secret pt. no. its jus that the log ppl wans u peepz to clean the room... so bring the attire.. thats all.. ODAC.. yet afraid of pt.. haha.. wats the world coming to.
yes. the ao is suppsed to plan for activity. we will inform the whole exco next time. of cos. layee will have to call them and tell them. well.. u dun get 4 pts for nth... I get 3 for all this shit.. and i'm not complaining.
well... some time since i blogged. Results came out and i promoted.. passed all 5 subs.. well.. quite happy with myself...
was quite sad when i heard er sao din make it... yan sze din make it.. iman and sammi din make it... but hope they take things in the right light... sometimes, god does things in his own unique way cos he has already decided wats best for you. i'm a believer, but not a church goer.
Michelle will be leaving us.. so will wan ling... so will joel. well.. we can see michelle for the rest of the next yr cos she will be transferring to 2A03.. wan ling prolly move to poly and joel... he will be retained.
Quite sad cos i nvr had frens from the same class who retained. its always retainees joining the class... and integrating... now... 3 ppl leaving the class.. it will never be the same again perhaps.
Live each day to its fullest. Really. God would take u away to be with him anytime.
WELL... on a brighter note.. brought the little boy out to meet Lisany to return her her chi notes... Went to toa payoh... she tried to carry the little boy but u know..shes not very strong.. haha... then she bought sweets and treated him to ice cream.. of cos he held her hands and she was dying to have a kiss from him and she did... haha... better not let her see this.. but well.. tt's the point.. haha..
can't wait for sat to come. hope all turn up. esp. er sao and others.. haha..
suddenly thought of all these...
1) life always moves forward. it has no 'playback' button.
2) i need to be in a place where i can feel secure,
so that i will never have to run away and hide all the time.
3) i laughed and laughed and laughed last night.
and i was amazed.
i thought my sense of humor has all gone. but i was wrong.
it's still there, sitting in the corner.. waiting for me to ask it out and play.
4) I wonder.. would there be any possibilities of two persons, thousands of miles apart, not family related.., yet share similar traits, could sense similar feelings, and experience similar things.., at the same time, only at two different parts in the world?
If this thing does exist, could we still call it "coincidence"?
All these things.. are running thru my head... op tmr. nightmare.
If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
well... today was a superb day... haha... early in the morn my house phone rang and my whole family was asleep... it was LISANY.. din know until i woke up till my mum said the called ID showed her number.. haha.. but when i asked her.. she said she was still sleeping.. spooky ah...
oh ya... yesterday i went for a haircut.. haha..
life is beautiful.
EVRYONE! MUG FOR CHINESE!
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Conscious self | Overall self |
| | |
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||||||||| | 46% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||||||| | 58% | | Type 3 | Ambition | |||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||||||| | 58% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||| | 14% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||| | 38% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Type 8 | Hostility | |||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||| | 42% | Your Conscious-Surface type is 8w7 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 9w1 |
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
realized my blog is so saddening type... well.. wat to do.. haha... actually... muz always look on the bright side of life... haha..
well.. i finally realised. sometimes, watching a fren go to seek his happiness is actually more happiness for yourself. Well.. if he can really found himself, i would want him to go to it..tt's the least i can do as a brother. we could always meet up and have a cuppa and discuss abt life. like wat we do now.. Togetherness, we will always be great brothers ya.. go in search of your life...
i feel dislodged from my life. i'm not myself nowadays. i tend to irritate people or hurt people a lot. Like edward for example. i realized i have been really hurting towards him. I'm sorry edward. i will be myself who will listen to ur probs and solve them with you. Hurting people. alot of them. chris for eg. During pw op, i din mean to denounce ur grp's work.. maybe my comments were really harsh and straight but i am like that.. i say wat i tink... very straightforward... guess if we are really brothers... u wud understand..
That smile on my face isn't staying. I now feel like i'm empty. something's missing. everyone seems to be putting on a facade. nobody's true anymore. Can anyone look thru my smile and noe wat i'm feeling always? no one can. even if someone did, tt someone isn't here anymore.. but tt's besides the point.
i muz the person i was. the gary who is caring and smiling always.
The second death i saw today. 2 deaths in 2 days. this time, its someone i know. someone who is just 6 years old and going on to 7 next year. he's my neighbour. a small little boy with big round eyes and a cute voice. died. just like that.
it is suspected that the father caused the death of the child as he was led away by police officers with handcuffs on him. a family tragedy, how bad can it get.
I talked to him just about a week ago and he was so excited on going to pri school. but, he didn't make it. His smile never failed to brighten up my day. now, its gone.
His mum used to scream at him all day long, but looking at her face just now, it was one of which had pain and misery written all over it. Now that he's gone, she should have learnt to treasure him last time.
The funeral just took place with the casket vehicle just going off. The lid of the coffin wasn't covered. Could see his face. They made him smile. The smile i cannot forget.
My heart aches.
Learn to treasure ur life and treasure the others ard u.. u might never know when each might last. fate decides everything. beat fate to it.
My heart aches.
