sweet misery: 09/01/2003

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

rachael told me funny stuffs on the bus today. We all know the 5Cs that singaporeans want.. but do you know wat are the 5Ks of Singaporeans?
1) Kiasu- scared to lose
2) Kiasee- scared to die
3) Kiabo- scared dun have
4) Kiabor- scared of wife(this applies to me! super scared of her.. haha)
5) kiazhenghu(in hokkien) - scared of govt.

haha.. funny sia.. haha..

a day of solitude. maybe its jus me after waking up. Sometimes i feel that a fucked up person should jus die and the world be rid of an evil. But.. you never know how others think of a fucked up person. some people think adolf hitler is some true good shit.. well. i think otherwise.. u get my pt abt these fuckers whether they decide t0 die or not...

well.. back to my composed self. Have to do tt jude essay.. and i can't farking do it... so farking difficult.. shud cut down on my vulgarities.. hmmx... okie.. no fucks le.. okie. relax.

Really. dun let me have a gun. the people i hate will die. oh.. for ur info if u think i'm toking cock.. i won the 7th best individual shooter in the ncc shooting competition in year 2000... so.. dun mess ard with me...

gtg do my work.

Persistence makes the impossible possible, the possible likely and the likely definite.

my self composed statement
PeRhApS iTs oNI wHeN u LeArN 2 gIvE Up tT u LeArN 2 trEaSuRe. AnD onI weN u LeArnT 2 tReAsUre thEn u'vE LeArNt NOT 2 HaV gIvEn uP

Monday, September 29, 2003

so many first times today...

First time i gave roses to a gal i like
first time i called her on the hp
first time i toked to her on the hp
first time i toked to her on the fone
first time i called her lao po
first times.. how many can i have?

went to collect my fone today.. finally have my phone back.. released at three... she finished at 4 today.. duno why super early.. hmm... so she went home first lorx... i also anything one lar... i not angry.. she thot i was.. haha.. i rush back also no use.. will take so long.. so might as well u go home rite? haha... i am rational one larx...

so.. i went back to sch.. then went home.. hmm... look at poem below... i wrote it in geog lesson for her.. haha...

lisany... din noe u cannot take tt joke tt u r not attractive.. not tt u r not attractive lar.. jus tt i dun have feelings for u... :P k lar.. dun tok rubbish le.. wat was the qn tt u wanted to ask me.. defintely not y i dun like u..

Sunsets are beautiful
but they never last
Roses smell sweet
but they die fast
I hope for u to be with me
from dawn till dusk
when i'm with you,
i'm without my mask
i told u
all abt my past
the lands are big
the seas are vast
i jus hope
you'll be my last.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

jus came back from my grandma hse.. played void deck soccer.. hmmx... toe swollen and bleeding... cos i hit the ball and as the leg swung over for a follow up.. hit the edge of the wall which was sharp and so like tt lar... a lil pain only larx.. not the first time le.. haha..

went to national library to do pw. sianx... din find the article.. siao liao larx.... how how?

tmr going heartland wif her.. haha.. she decide one.. woo... haha... dunno go there do wat.. walk walk? hmmx...

haiz... slept at close to 2 then woke up @330... watch soccer... real madrid lost... sucked manthem... respect for valencia who played a game of fantastic football..

then went to slp at 530 and woke up at 930... not enuf slp lehx.. later going national library to do pw... do finding of articles again.. sianx.. after tt.. go grandma house... and i dun have phone today! not even my dad phone.. cos he brought it to work.. poor dad.. have to work today... screw his boss larx...

so.. my fiancee... dun miss me k? love ya lotsa... not tt i dun msg u.. is dun have phone.. sorry!! muack!

blog again later!! at nite!!

gary, on a scale of 1-100, your attraction factor is 72!

How did we determine your attractiveness score? While you were taking the test, we measured your responses to questions on 5 attraction dimensions — appearance, attitude, body maintenance, energy and behavior.

Here's what we found out: While your overall attraction factor is 72, you are getting most noticed by others for your attitude.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

jus came back from turf city.. ate tepanyaki there... ate the same thing as i ate last time.. haha... the cost if above normal lar.. 18+ per pax... erm.. can be considered ex larx... haha.. dad drove us dere.. wanted to go cut hair with my mum and sis.. but to short lar.. mayb cut botak again.. haha.. but cannot... my cousin's wedding coming.. so muz look nice nice.. cannot cut botak.. and tt someone say cut botak very ugly.. went giant hypermart jus now.. and we spent $148.49.. SIAOZ!! spent alot lorx... hmm...

oh ya... i have a soon to be wife... so tt means she's my fiancee... haha... hi fiancee! haha... tmr i go see smth nice for u k? haha...

i love my fiancee! she's gonna be my wife SOON!!

the nite has fallen
the moon has gone to slp
the sun has risen
as i open my eyes
i see nth
but sunlight
where art thou?

where art thou
if i cud forget anything
it wudn;t be u
if i had jus 1 wish
i wud wish for u
the smile tt's everlasting
the eyes that are ever smiling
the sound ever so sweet
how i wish u cud be beside me
if there was no tomolo
and all of us had to die
i wud wan a last look at u
pick up my courage and say"i've fallen in love with u"
but that day wud never come
and u wud never hear
wat i wanted to say
but always feared
i wanted to tell u todae
and while u were sleeping
i whispered it to u
but u cudn't hear
cos u were sleeping
and now as i'm missing u
there u r.. so far away
_the-end_

well... me's all alone @ home. yup. suddenly had a lot of time to think of lots of stuff.

I want to love you
like you’ve never been loved
I want to make you feel
like you are the kindest
and most important person
in the world,
because in my world...
that’s who you are.
I want to make you feel
like you are valued
and cherished
and needed,
because you truly are...
...and I want you to always
feel
that your feelings and ideas are heard
and understood
in a way that has never happened before.
I want to love you
like you’ve never been loved before,
because that’s the way
I feel loved by you.
I truly love you.

if u read my blog... jus leave a msg on the tagboard... thanks

slept for 12 hrs... long time nvr slp for so long le... super tired sia...

quite moody yest.. she will know y.. nth to do with jealousy ahx.. its becos of smth else...

ruiyi seems to be having problems.. hmm.. wan to share?

miss ya

Friday, September 26, 2003

hmmx... today din send her home cos she went studying.. haha... work hard wor!

Today miss thiang sang.. its jus omg! she's jus like Eva Cassidy... too bad she's still tied to her bond.. 4 yrs more only.. then go cut album le.. 1st intake she also sang.. she has a really super sweet voice... omg omg! haha..

well.. this week went past with me not talking to someone.. well.. i figured... if i could get past life w/o tokin to u.. i wun tok... cos.. i tried tokin le... too bad lor... dunno why things turned out this way.

ya.. tmr is odac farewell @ sentosa palawan beach.. not going down le.. changed my mind.. cos i''ve family matters... so.. cannot go down.. sorry seniors... u noe i love u guys.. esp tt wei chao the monkey and my sis FELICIA and the powerpuff girls and my vs seniors who are in odac, yan han, nurul.. lots more... yup.. love u guys.. sorry!

sun goin pw. sianazion personified. off to do work.. later then blog..

oh.. i composed a song for our class btw.. lyrics done le... guitar chords also done.. one day play to u all k?

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Sometimes, the sourness cannot be revealed
because when it happens, the cracks cannot be healed.
Everytime it happens
the green eye monster burns
sometimes, i wish he couldn't feed
the green eyed monster, all starts from a seed.

well.. super HAPPY HAPPY today. cos i really enjoyed myself today. and an unfamiliar feeling came over me today... its only dere when she's ard me... hmm... i love tt feeling... hehe...

can't wait for promos to be over... 21/10! she also finish on tt date.. we going out wor.. dun forget....

today during pe... screamed at Joel and Ri An.. and a last minute ram of the ball by me allowed me to continue my scoring streak... it deflected off Praveen... but the power was enuf to send the ball home... yup... but the previous pe lesson goals were nicer... gave a glancing header and volleyed home a shot. today was jus shooting... yest was a tap in.. hmmx...

excuse me tt someone.. when u returning me my discman huh? heex... no lar.. return to me by the study break... okie? hmmx...

went walking ard compass point jus now... she bought bookmarks and stickers.... tell u...she's super cute + funny... if she is my wife... woo...

Lisany... aiyoh u crazy ah? dun tok to me cos i dun like u? i dunno lar... i jus dun have those kinda of feelings for u lar.. jus close frens lorx... haha... yes.. we go eat mangoes...

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

jus came home. super tired. of cos when i'm tired, my mood's not very good.

had odac jus now.. supposed to do palette thingy.. but realised tt i dun need to help.. so din.. jus went to help shu they all for farewell stuff.. and i helped to mop the odac room after tt... and i played soccer with my vs mates in sr now... not bad...

tmr going out with her... ya. i shouldn't think too much.. when i'm tired, i tend to think too much... yes... i'm fine with her.. nth's wrong.. yupp...

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

listening to a depressing song now.. well.. i can interpret ena's dream.. hee... tell ya tmr...

tmr got odac... ya.... palette thingy.. muz get down to work le.. cannot xia suay..

i waited for 3 hrs for her today. Walked her home. the whole thing lasted 30 mins.. when i was walking her home, as i looked across the road, i saw angela with her bf. hands ard her shoulders, walking the same route i used to take.. but now, i take a perpendicular route with a different gal beside me. How fast things change. I could still remember vividly the argument we had.

well, after angela left, there has been a void in my life, a big void. Now, i found the girl to fill it up. yes. its u.

As we were walking home, i wanted to tell u alot of things. But i coudn't muster up the courage to do so. And i realised, u din attempt to start a conversation with me... i was the one having to tok most of the time when there was silence. yup... u muz tok... haha...

tmr u got doc appointment wor.. dun late... ya...
i gettin my phone tmr! so tt means my phone will be online tmr!!! yeaH!!!

well... got smth to tell u but i cannot put it across to u... though i always tell u i not jealous.. but just sometimes can feel the sting larx.. haha... but i always convince myself that i already have u... (and its a fact that u r mine already.. hee) so... ya lar... like tt lar.. we thurs go out rite? take bus! yeah.. i luvveee taking buses... can see alot of things and can tok at the same time... hmmx... one day we go study together... call ena they all come also.. then we go study... okiex? hmmx.. i know even if ok.. i still have to decide where to go.. haha..

parallel lines can indeed meet.

Monday, September 22, 2003

as i walked u home,
emotions rush through me
i wan u beside me holdingmy hands thru it all
i wan u beside me forevermore
i wan u.

yup.. haha... walked her home jus now... hmmx... she super nice lorx... yup... mei kan chuo ren...

Sunday, September 21, 2003

hmm.. found out the reason le... its my fault.. sorrrrrrriiiiiiieeeeeeeee... haha.. but now solved le! happy happy happy... hehe....

y always i like girls then more people will like? last time angela got one j2 zhiwen like her.. now i like tt someone... a particular someone seems to wan to come in.. sianx. but nvm.. i wun so easily jealous lar.. muz play fair and square. i admit i'm going after u, yan sze. YES! I LIKE YAN SZE! YES I'M GOING AFTER HER! no qns! :P

to tt someone: if i'm angry, the anger will last just 5 mins... after i vent out.. evrything will be fine le... dun guilty or sorry.. its okie lar... can tell me e reasons?

Life is like a story,
with a different moral to every end.
Some days may be rough,
but many seem to transcend.
With a glitter in your eye,
like a diamond on a ring,
Life may seem perfect,
but inside your crying to be free.
Life is like a story,
with a different moral to every end.
Running to the door,
like a wolf after its prey,
May seem like an escape,
but really it's jus another day.
One step at a time,
One moment as it comes,
may just be the only way.
Life is like a story,
with a different moral to every end.

When I say I love you,
What do I mean?

When I say I need you,
Will you believe me?

And when I can no longer be without you,
will you stay by my side?

When I say I love you,
Will you love me back?

When I say for always,
is that too much to ask?

And when I say I'll never leave,
do you feel the same?

All these things I ask you to do
When I say I love you.

to tt someone: dunno why we not going anymore. u dun wanna say... ok lor.. wat can i do... but i was kinda disappointed by it.. feeling sad now. jus sadness.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

guess that i can kinda guess wat u are confused of. well... when u spend alot of time together with a guy u weren't close to.. one party tends to fall for another. that was wat happened to me and my first gf. well... he's a gd guy i hope. yup... dun be too bothered by it lar...

u promise go eat noodles one ahx. haha.... will be waiting...

hmm.. 3rd entry for today. went out with zheng yang to do odac stuff... we toked alot today... went to toa payoh mac to do our work.. saw MR ONG JUN KOK there with another girl.. learning how to make a frenship band.. and tt girl's from pei ling's class.. i dunno her.. but she knows me.. dunno y also.. hmmx...

well... zheng yang told me lots of stuff... to tt girl who likes him... pls do not play with him le.. give him a definite ans... he's going thru alot.. he's sick now.. having an enlarged thyroid.. hope u show me some concern as a fren in e least. u really hurt him le.. on e surface he seems ok.. but he's hurt lor... he told me tt u might quit odac if both of u remain as frens.. and he suddenly has the thought of quiting odac.. if he really quit. i have lost a buddy. he's really my buddy. we tell each other problems... he trusts me and i trust him. tt's it.

my phone ahx.. sianx.. for diagnostic checkup.. pay $26. If its the cable connecting spoiled.. then pay total amt is $50+.. if its the display tt is damaged.. $200+ SIAO!!!!!!!!!!!! might as well get a new phone.. jus realised i changed 7 phones le.. alot rite... 3210, 3310, 8210, 8250, 3310, 8250, T100. If change one more.. then 8 le.. and only T100 is bought with a plan... bought last yr at $700+. then all e other phones were bought w/o lines... an 8250 w/o line last time is ard 500+... so u can imagine how much i spent on phones le.. SO WASTEFUL!!

To tt someone: monday i wait for u k? got any days u got smth extra.. jus tell me or tell gwen or shu thru sms and ask them to tell me.. K? then i go home after 5 if u got extra thingys... hee...

To that someone: Love is abt accepting. not abt changing u to who i wan u to be but for me to accpet as who u are, who u were and who u gonna be.

Well, cool wet saturday morning. going out later to do odac stuff. have to come up with a format of the proposal, so as to allow the sub coms to know how to do a proposal. hmmx... so sian.. still muz do an activity form. meeting zheng yang at toa payoh mrt interchange. then do e stuff.. hmmx...

anyway.. chris and shu.. mon do nite study as planned k? hmm.. we study chi and Jude... dunno where i left Othello.. dunno whether its in the locker.... hmmx...

UrgH!! i need a hp.. my fingers are itchy.. today morning when i woke up, i wanted to msg her good morning and tt i missed her thru e nite.. but i found out my phone wasn't there... sianx.... but mayb thru this repair i can learn how to cut down on my sms-es... always exceed one... haiz...

someone told me something...

"well to mi is like u barely even noe her , so u wouldnt noe her trueself ,
so wat u are liking her now is probably based on ur own assumption of her ."

well... i think this is true. but untrue too. in such a short period of time.. i found out abt her... thru her frens and most impt herself.

my overall view of her is that, she's a nice gal, enjoys male company, very expressive with her face, doesn't tell u her thoughts, ie keeps to herself, alot...

if u ask me wat i like abt her.. i dunno? its evrything of her. everything that she wans to be. and i'm happy i knew her.

Friday, September 19, 2003

i'm really paranoid abt this thing altogether. only yan sze knows wat i am toking abt... but after u guys told me abt me being the possibility, i just shun away from her. dun tok to her, dun sit close to her... everything i do.. further away from her better... cos my situation just fits the description too well.. i am so afraid. i really am. jus hope its me tinking too much on my part.

well.. my heart lies with another girl... yes.. its her... hmm... if u ask me wat i like abt her... i dunno.. i jus like her for who she is. nth more...

oh.. btw.. i got a card from her..

shucks. my phone jus went dead. no display. shit! haiz.. booohoohoo... have to spend money again... sianx... today got nth to blog.. ya.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

today. wat a day. actually i wan to apologise to her. she told me that she was kinda pissed with me... sorry lar... din mean it lar... hehe

erm... today was grily's bday.. the class din do much planning.. so during break while it was still raining, the 3 idiots or so we are called, me, shu and chris went to heartland there and buy a cake. well... the cake was bought, we were wet and where are my classmates? all over the place. shucks.. so had a soft singing of happy bday cos "ys" din wan to tok to me... was really quite sad by tt msg lorx... hmm.. but tt's solved le.. anyway.. grily... HAPPY BDAY!

anyway... to odacians reading this... pls note that there is a meeting on wed for our cip thingy... after tt... palette sub com members, u have to carry out ur trial run.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

yup. had first odac training today after taking over. i was the PTI today. hmm.. quite fun today.. though the pt was slack.. but we learnt a lesson of discipline or 2... anyway... the training started with me giving them 5 mins to change into pe attire. they were late by 10 mins. de wei advised them not to be late and explained them. told them to do things with a sense of urgency.

so then we warmed up and i briefed them on wat the pt will be abt... 3 sets of 5 BX(basic exercises.) e.g push ups, crunches, jumping jacks, etc) so we did 3 sets, 30, 20, 10. yup. not xiong at all rite? haha...

a few times i shouted at them cos they were getting too slow and they were taking their own sweet times, i made them knock it down(do push ups) once only.. and screamed at them from one end of the track to the other.. from the ropes climbing area to the gate area.. could hear my own echoes. A heart warming thing to note is that when it was feedback session time, most found their own behaviour unacceptable. but they really counted loudly. yes. tt's odac. when i punished them bcos one guy din do things properly, they din blame him. tt's wat i called bonding. going thru shit together.

after feedback session, we took photos. the guys did a candid shot. we pulled our shorts quite high but oops! my boxers peeked out cos my shorts went really high.. so had to pull my boxers up too.. dunno whether it showed up.. hmm.. but we tucked in our shirts and pulled up, flattened hair and gave a geek smile. omg. tt was damn funny. the gals did a candid shot too.. tried to act demure by crossing their legs. super funny.

we did a cheer. it was really a cheer. made me feel very much back in vs. loud and low. everyone was proud to be in odac. we are. and we always will be. jia you!

lisany. ur cake's nice.. though the durian a lil smelly.. haha...

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

yan sze composed smth nice... hmm.. shall advertise her writings on my blog..

Luv is not meant fer us, and you are not meant fer me. Luve grows and fade, and you came and disappeared..
How i hoped luv could stay, how i hoped you could stay. But i know you would never.. Dun ask me why, I juz noe..
You kept walking in and out of my life, not allowing a true closure. A true closure to our relationship, a complicated relationship of ours..
If i had a choice, i would rather notz know you. As you were never true to me.
If i had a choice, i would rather notz luv you. Since now i have, and luv has crushed into us.. I would juz let nature take its course..
You hurt me in the past, you hurt me now. And i know you will in the future.. But i still luv you. I did, i do ,and i alwayz will.
Will you tell me why? why all the lies and betrayal. Why all the broken promises and unloyalty. Why luv and hatred. Why is it you n me..
What a foolish thought of mine~ Torturing me throughout. Breaking up my one and only heart into millions of pieces. But whenever i tired to pick up, You juz came back.. And history juz keep repeating..
I'm still de old foolish me~
-written by yan sze.

not to me! dun tink too much! jus found this super nice.. oh man...

well.. yes amy... yes that u were following us ard today? we dun mind tt ya.. we r all good buddies... one is ur ex crush.. one is gay.. the other jus bullies u.. so.. no prob manx... u can cont to stick to us.. glad to have ya ard sometimes... hehe...

well.. i'm falling sick... during chi today... my hands were like super cold and my forehead's hot... and shu and chris advised me to take temp.. but nothing wrong.. only 36.5... somethings wrong with my body lorx.. yan sze says its bcos i'm too tired and i dun get enuf rest... ask me not to think of anything except promos.. i mean h0w can lor.. i muz think of promos and her mah... =p

mayb its bcos i'm really tired. tmr.. there's odac... cool.. first training after we took over.. and i'm conducting the training tmr! haha. jus pt lar... hmmx.. dun worry.. no one will die larx.. hmm...

As i look back on my life now... i find that i have no one to lean on to anymore.. finding that should i fall, no one will be there to catch me. perhaps i have too busy catching other people and never myself a thought. Looking back now, i realised, that i cannot look back and say that i have led a fruitful 9 months. i can't. perhaps the sickness is getting to my head.

found out that yan sze's twin stay jus 3 blocks away from me.. long time no see her le.. then today morning we took the same bus to sch.. and when i came home.. she was on the same bus too... so.. i walked the long route home to see where she stays... =P hmm... quite funny though.. cos if we take the same bus.. we alight at the same stop and she will alight first.. then i will overtake her and walk in front.. caught her looking at the mirror while i was looking at it.. then when i walked home.. after walking separating ways and i saw her walk into the lift, she walked out again and looked in my direction and hid behind the wall and then walked into the lift... little did she know that the design of the void decks leave u open.. so i cud see her actions.. damn funny...

then LUNCH TODAY was a nightmare! yan sze was sitting right in front of me..haha.. and me and her kena teased till like siao.. oh my... hope she's resting well enuf.. hmm..

Monday, September 15, 2003

of cos! how can dun write abt u on my blog? hmm.. yes.. its to my new her! haha.. guess u all shud noe who i'm tokin abt... hmm... ya.. my heart... nvm.. u know how i feel for u... miss ya...

well.. found out y amy broke up with james.. stupid reason lorx... haiz...

well. shocking revelation. angela is attached. thot i wud never get over her... but today.. when i knew abt this... i felt happy for her.. felt happy for her tt she found a guy tt cares for her and has God in his heart. Good luck angela.

perhaps i cud have never gotten over her since there was no closure to our relationship.. but now there is closure... i'm glad. i wun forget us together. i'm glad we'ver together b4.. the times we spent together.. the hugs we shared.. everything. I've behind a part of me with u.. and that is tt i have tamed u.. changed u to a loving woman. not a girl anymore. yup. thanks for being dere for me once.

odac. hmm... glad to be in odac.

anyway.. think this post is on congratulating her. wish she does well... hmm... yet once again.. she broke her promise. hmmm.. but.. tt is none of my business anymore... so easy to say.. so difficult to do..

Sunday, September 14, 2003

hmmm.. dunno wat to post.. but jus to tell u.. remember.. sleep b4 1130 today.. tmr got sch... hmmx... after promos i hope... we can have a chance..

i am still trying to recover from the initial shock of amy's and james's breakup. oh gosh. i never thought she and him will break up. thot she wud hold on for holding on sake so as to fulfill her dream of having a bf only. guess she built her life ard his only to find him destroying euthopia. guess amy muz rebuild her life now. restarting is easy, rebuliding ur confidence is never easy. guess she needs us to help her thru now... amy. as a fren, i will be here for u. as a buddy, i will lend u my ears. as ur enemy, i will let u off tmr! haha.. dun bully u..

on a lighter note.. ena's back! she msged me.. haha...

on an even lighter note... i am not jealous! a lil only lar.. normal to be a little jealous rite? tt person will know wat i'm toking abt.. hee...

realised that the poem on the right of the page really applies to me now.. and these lyrics i found are nice.. really cool...

[cantcryhardenough.williambros]

i'm going to live my life
like every day's my last
without a simple goodbye
it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone
i can't cry hard enough
no i can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

i'm going to open my eyes
and see for the first time
i've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite
there it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds

for no reason why
i can't cry hard enough
no i can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

i'm going to look back in vain
and see you standing there
when all that remains
is just an empty chair

and now that you're gone
i can't cry hard enough
no i can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

shi ming yun zai zhuan bian, ni cai chu xian, hai shi ni de chu xian rang wo gai bian..

translated: Is it the change of fate that you appeared? or is it the appearance of you that changed me?

Saturday, September 13, 2003

our lives are indeed in parallels... u do things i dun... u think differently from me. saw from cheryl's blog tt jerry and her are parallels too.. but.. tt's just a consolation.

sometimes, i can't just get u off my mind, cos sometimes, u are my mind.
sometimes, i try to convince myself i dun like u... but everytime, i know i do.
sometimes, i jus wait to see if u will msg me first.. but everytime, its me who msgs first.
sometimes, i jus wan u to tell me that u know wat i'm feeling for u, but everytime, u dun.
sometimes, i know i piss u off with all this.. but everytime, its abt u.

if i tried writing a story, it wud be a nice lovely story.

thought of it the whole night through. perhaps i'm jus like him in Turn left turn right. so close yet so far. he's waiting for tt phone call... while i'm waiting for tt msg... perhaps...

perhaps she might have passed me in so many places that i haven't taken noticed of her.. now tt i have... she's just so far away.... i can remember us passing each other in so many places... during temp taking.. outside library area.. along the staircases... but.. i din know u... and now tt i know u.. as i try to find u and i know u r ard me... i can't seem to see u.. and when we spent time together yesterday... seemed like frens for a long time le... din tok much.. but enjoyed the company in the least...

both of us lead life(s) that are parallel to each other.. u r more on the chi side.. while i'm more on the eng side.. alot of parallels... ren shen zong you xu duo qiao he.. liang tiao ping xian ye hui you jiao hui de yi tian.. hmm... well... perhaps... uncertainty is more beautiful... perhaps...

i'm waiting for u. and that's not a perhaps.

perhaps. perhaps. perhaps.

Friday, September 12, 2003

oh my oh my. YOU just complete me. i love u.

i dunno wat u r thinking... i have no courage to ask... i wud rather stand aside.. and watch the minutes pass... u are an angel... in everything u do... and this lyrics.. are written jus for u.... If i cud nvr see u again.. i wud never mind.. for the time we shared together... is more than eternity in time... if i cud ever find the courage, it won't be today... cos i'm afraid of failing, failing to tell u again. i want u in my arms, forever from now... not caring if i've got hypertension.. or any illness at all. i jus love u.. the way u are.

jus came home from the "date".. haha... one thing to note... she's super funny one lor.. her comments are on "replay" mode... "idiotz, stupid, diaoz, bleah...." etc... but keep repeating.. haha...

erm... enjoyed myself today larx... at first both of us din tok much.. well.. its like our first time toking face to face.. so.. it was kinda awkward at first.. but as we warmed up.. erm.. the conversations got a little funnier... we were walking in circles in TM... cos she always does things in replay mode.. haha.... =P...

went to eat pastamania for dinner.. ordered the same things though she ordered first and i had ABSOLUTELY no idea she was gonna order.. haha.. dun think otherwise! this is not part of Turn Left Turn Right. haha... after dinner.. went walking abt... saw some cute stuff.. think she bought something.. but dunno wat.. haha.. nvr pay attention one lar.. haha..

then went for movie.. the show was super funny.. esp the Edmund Chen parts.. super duper euper funny... haha... the show fail as a romance... get 5 stars for comedy larx.. haha..

after movie.. went for some coffee... then she was msging to gwen.. using MY phone.. and said tt my phone was stupid cos she dunno how to use... haha. but now.. she can use le.. haha...

after tt... sent her home.. she stay really close to sr.. but not as close to angela larx... haha... yup.. then i came home...

summary. today was a good day out. thanks for coming out with me! really enjoyed ur company!

going out later.. hmm... not very excited though.. haha... hmmm... see ya later...

Thursday, September 11, 2003

jus finished celebrating mid autumn festival. hmm.. very happy now! took quite a number of photos! all who wan to see cute baby photos, jus msg me when u see me online.. i send u.. its SUPER cute lor... even li yen also say he cute lorx... haha...

anyway.. i super happy now.. my family and i drank quite alot... sorry boss... but i'm still not drunk.. hmm... we toked and drank and ate... really drank quite alot.... hmmm.. shudn't drink so much.. hmm..

miss ya.

as time passes by, i'm falling in love more with u. oh gosh. i love u. =) tmr's my first date with u! hee...

ok.. summary for those who aren't interested in long stuff.
True Talent: Abstract Reasoning
Subconscious mind driven by: Curiosity
best quality:Compassionate
personality: skydiver
Right job: strategic and creative

gary, your true talent is abstract reasoning

Your ability to look at information abstractly implies that you have a rich imagination. Chances are, you're one of those rare people who can mix two unrelated ideas together to come up with a great new one. Most individuals aren't as skillful as you are at applying knowledge outside of its usual context.

Your combination of strategic thinking and creativity can be an incredible value in both business and social environments.

How do we know that your true talent is abstract reasoning? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question, and noticed that, relative to others, you consistently answered questions that measure abstract reasoning correctly

gary, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

You are full of questions about life, people, and your own potential. You spend more time than others imagining the possibilities for your life — and you're open to things others are too afraid to consider.

You have an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself and the world. You also have a rebellious streak that shows up when you feel unable to truly influence the world or circumstances around you. Your appetite for novel experiences also shows an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

gary, your best quality shines through in how Compassionate you are

The fact that you're a caring and considerate person who is typically very loving, as well really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're psychologically and emotionally stable and better able than most people to tolerate even the roughest situations. You are an inventive and creative person who usually has an abundance of imagination and ideas, too.

In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.

We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 4 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.

gary, you're a Skydiver!

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Skydiver which means you are a Seeker / Golden. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics.

That means you're open minded, extroverted, free-spirited, and independent. Chances are you're pretty liberal. You're like a magnet for love and affection. People adore you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're super-flexible.

How do we know all this? How do we know you're a great leader at work? Or that you're a self-starter and will always volunteer to take on a job? How could we have divined that you're an excellent communicator and tend to spread your enthusiasm to others?

Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Skydiver.

And that's just scratching the surface.

gary, the Right Job for you will allow you to be:

Strategic and Creative

As a Strategic type, you want to be able to express yourself and your ideas through work. Sure there's a time and place for rules and procedures, but when a good thought strikes you, you don't want it to be boxed into one way of thinking. You're willing to go outside the rules if there's a chance that the risk will reap big rewards.

You are stronger than most when it comes to generating ideas. And because of this, it might sometimes feel easier to take on all aspects of a job yourself instead of wasting time explaining it to someone else who might not "get it" like you do. But because you have so many ideas and are willing to take on so much, you might find that you sometimes have trouble finishing every project you start.

Your diplomacy and adaptability make you a valuable asset. But your need to feel invested in a company that allows you to express your original ways of thinking will ultimately impact how happy you are in the workplace.

Congratulations, gary!
Your IQ score is 122
This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ test. Your IQ score is scientifically accurate; to read more about the science behind our IQ test, click here.

During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We were able to analyze how you did on of those questions, which reveals the way your brain processes information.

We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is an Inventive Inquisitor.

You have the unusual distinction of being equally good at math and verbal skills. This means you are a creative thinker and are uniquely good at teaching others through experiences. You are also a great improviser and very good at handling change.

LEO And B type blood
July 23 - August 22

for Men
Personality: You have the tendency to enjoy the life of luxury because you love the limelight. People have to follow your way or they'll be in a disagreement with you. Your curiosity and variety of interest earns you many friends. You should be more careful about making split-second decisions.

Love Tendency: You are Mr. Popular among girls because you make them feel comfortable around you and your personality doesn't bore them. People will mistake you for a playboy even though you don't experience many relationships, thanks to your masculinity.

Life: Compliments from others are treats for you and you crave for them. Success will come to you from early on but you have to struggle to hold onto to it. Be your own entrepreneur. This will give you a better chance to succeed.

its a brand new morning. dawn. u r not slping yet. i'm slping soon. i know i may have pissed u a lilttle with my indecisiveness. all i wanted was a real confirmation from u. tt's all i wanted. a simple msg of how u care or how much u miss me wud do the job. yes, u cud brighten up my day and inject life into the lifeless me.

yes. i do love u. i hope u love me too. jus hope so.

if u fall, i will catch u and i'm waiting, time after time...

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

this is wat i wan.

waking up not to the chirping of birds
waking up not to the alarm bells
but waking up to u.

hmmm... realised that my life revolves abt reading blogs and blogging.

realised tt i do not really understand her. perhaps i need time to find out more abt her. but gwen also told me b4 tt she's a very complicated girl... whose tinkin is out of the box..hmm.. she told me she's childish too.. i dun mind all those. as long as i can be happy, i dun care wat u tink of urself or wat others tink abt u.

i realised. i'm waiting for an ans. wat ans? i dunno. is it an ans of myself over u? or is it ur ans to me. i dunno.
i thot i lost u somewhere, but u were really nvr there at all. tt's how i feel. perhaps its bcos i'm sick and i'm not thinking straight.

jack and eliz on island
You are "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."
You're more than a little world-weary, but also
intelligent and you keep your head when things
get dodgy. You're everybody's favorite
drinking buddy, but your stubbornness does get
in the way sometimes.

Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

nth's bothering me. nth will.

read something though.

Leo Buscaglia
"Perfect love is rare indeed -
for to be a lover will require that you continually
have the subtlety of the very wise,
the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint,
the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

Albert Einstein
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."

Cinderella
"Do you love me because I am beautiful,
or am I beautiful because you love me?"

but liked this the most..... its really meaningful. i want to tell this to YOU.

Rabindranath Tagore
" I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever."

and this is written by me.

Is it wrong to love you? cos if it is, i dun wanna be right.
You have to live to love, love to learn, and learn to let go
Look in your heart it will guide you.Trust your intuition and it will lead you in the right direction. Trust your Soul and it will give you all the hope you need.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

somethings bothering me. What if it doesn't turn out right? i'm worrying. are we true to each other? have u been truthful to me? hmm.. i hope so.

life. People live to die, people die to live. Life in itself is a journey, its a process. but one can never say he's lived his life till he dies.

In life, the first thing we learn is to cry. Cry when we are hungry, cry when we are uncomfortable, cry when in need of sleep. As we grow older, we learn to walk and talk. we learned how to convey ourselves thru words and we realised that our legs are our best friends in that they bring us to our destination. Then... we learn maths, science, physics, biology, chemistry. Along the way, we learnt how to deal with people, and understanding ourselves.

As we age, we perceive that we are learning new things. However, we aren't. it's only our perception of things changes. Wat can be learnt is limited. ITs only how u see it. therefore, we perceive ourselves to be learning. As of such, we must have learnt about the miseries of love and hate.

Then, we die. Till then, its only when someone can say that he has lived life. only then can he say he understood wat life is all abt. Life is living it.

Love. Does it end after u've let go? does that feeling go away? what exactly is love? i've asked myself this qn many times... qns pop up all the time... is missing someone called love? some people once told me that tt person u love makes u laugh, is ur pillar of strength n support, brings u light n times of darkness, brings hope when one is in the darkest and deepest abyss. when i ask wat they fell in love with, some said that she fell in love with the way he kicks the ball, some admire him for the way he accepts defeat, some just love the guy speaks, some with the humourosity, some with the ever radiant smile. Some jus fall in love. no reason. some regret for not telling one's feelings earlier, some dun. some live to regret, but, is it too late? Some eventually break up, and when i tell them this, they jsu nod their heads in agreement. " In every crush / relationship, i left behind something of me with her." and i've learnt a lesson. "if you can't learn to let go, then dun pick it up."

* all entries are written by me. All were made up. NO interviewees were involved. *
*Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had*

went out today. brought a 2 yr old kid and a pri 1 kid to Jurong East IMM to see Doraemon. frightful experience man. first.. let me explain.. how did these 2 kids end up with me? the pri 1 kid is my cousin... and the baby? haha.. not mine! but my mum babysits this baby for 24/6... goes back on sat.. comes back on sun.. k.. tt's is not the frightening part.

so... nice day.. not warm weather... brought them up the train from yishun to jurong east... nothing much on the train.. very quiet.. i thought they wud be good... oh man... i was so wrong... so.. we reached jurong east and waited for the free shuttle to IMM...

reached there. Doraemon is OVER! oh man.. nvm lar... bring them for lunch first.. my sis then was along with me le.. so... easier to take care of them... the baby had a runny nose! so.. had to kip cleaning his nose.. haha... wasted a lot tissue... after lunch.. went tot ake neoprint! show u peepz next time k? hahaha... on my whole journey... yan sze was msging me.. thanks for entertaining me hor.. haha...p.s can't msg u so much.. my bill overshoot like siao.. hehe...

then went to the flower shop at jurong east mrt.. no! not buying flowers for yan sze lar.. jus that the boss there is my fren... yes.. MY FREN! i used to go provide free labour for them during Valentine's day.. cos alot of roses to de-thorn.. hmm... ya... cos my god mum used to work there and my whole family noes the whole family there.. we r frens lar.. her name's jennifer btw.. haha... she say so long nvr see me.. (half a yr only)... and she say my face changed le.. look a little jap now... oh man... wat she toking sia.. wat jap.. i so tanned lorx.. haha....

after that..went to my godmum's house... i forgot to mention.. the baby had constipation... and the prob began.. he began crying and crying and crying and crying.. till dunno when... until i told him... if he was to continue crying... the luohan fish wud eat him up.. and then he kept quiet... but he wanted to go home and on the way home in the lift.. he started crying again.. chanting..."buttock pain.... ".. so.. u all noe lar.. take cab home lor.. how to take train home? siaoz ah... haiz.. so frightful... but at the end of the day.. i learnt how to be PATIENT! *someone will understand this* *ahem*

ya... tt's all lar... blog again later... and oh.. ena left le.. hope she returns safely.

Monday, September 08, 2003

hmm... she gave me her ans... yup. but dun think there will be any progress as yet.. cos promos coming! after promos then see how k? i promise i wun lead u on!

anyway.. got a date to watch turn left turn right. sorry ppl.. no class outing.. private outing.. haha.. see how k? dunno if she wan to watch with u all.. can YOU tell me whether u wan to?

attempted to write something tt contradicts.
well.. here it is.. it makes sense.. read carefully and u will understand.

I should go...
Why go, when you can stay?
Because if I were to stay, I would still have to go. It's unavoidable.
But if you go now, you'll always go, and never stay.
Do you want to spend your life going?
I don't want to spend my life staying.
Don't go, but don't stay either.
Should I stay. Or should I go?
Do both. Stay awhile, go awhile later.
If I stay, my mind will be set on going.
Fine. Go. It's the last time you stay.
It is the last time I stay. I'm going. Will you go with me?
I would, but I really have to go.

went to school for econs lect today... nth much la... jus tt mrs ting said something to the whole LT... "shuming and doranne(shuming's wife)... wats so funny? why keep laughing?" haha.. scandalous....

the odac 16th batch webby is up! muz go see! not fully up though.. but its alil like 1a1 class webby.. how creative can shu get man.. =)

anyway... i hope she gives me an ans soon.. she has one more day.. hope she remembers.. i dun wan a forced ans... i jus wan to know... nth else... hmm... even if she does.. dun think will get together till after promos.. hmm... hope so!

and... ena's flying off tml... sad... why muz she go? hope she returns safely...

u asked me wat present i wan from manila.. i only wan u safely back. cos u have a place in my heart.. as a fren.. hmm... take care! msg me once u touch down back in homeland! will miss u!

Sunday, September 07, 2003

had a conversation with angeline.... smth struck me...

A: eh.. i haven't seen mag for a long time...
G: ya.. u nvr msg her ahx?
A: someday lar...
G: nvr wait for someday.. bcos if either one of u doesn't make it past today, u all may nvr get the chance again.

conclusion:
nvr wait till someday
cos tmr may nvr come
and if it really doesn;t come
i jus wan u ppl to know,
i love u all the same.

yest blogger was down.. couldn't blog... a summary of yesterday was a day of soccer lar...

lets see today.. went for big walk... got sunburnt.. woo... reddish face now... hmmm... but fading le... an indeed good outing for odac... toook alot of photos.. we did smth th 15th batch did.. take a grp photo @ 5km marker... see.. we continued ur "tradition" we took "before" and "after" photos... haha... damn funny photos some of them...

i was being pinched all the way and my ears being flicked all the way too... the girls keeep bullying me... yvonne lar.. shi min... angeline... lay eethey all keep bullying me.. but walk till the end... i became their pillar.. all lie on my shoulders.. back... everywhere lar.. i still have to "zhan ma bu" so they can lean on me.. see.. i so nice.. u all still bully me...

nigel, shu and i brought shades along.. haha... at first they gave us funny looks... but then they thot our shades were cool.. haha.... ecxept for lay ee.. who thot only yuan yuan beng only all the time..

an overall review of today's activity was that it was of great bonding... a pity our pres couldn't come.. hmmm... and i know that gals are bad.. bully u.. in the end.. u still have to be there for them... hmm....

MIsS ya ppl... i got sch tmr! sianz.. econs and geog lectures... hmmmmm........ and turn left turn right got a 5 star rating for the review..WOO!! who wans to go watch with me? msg me!

Friday, September 05, 2003

looooooooooooong day indeed.... 7am - 7pm... crazy school... haiz.... long week ahead for me too... today was nothing fun lar... din get to see someone today though.. hmm... haha... odac? hmm.. cannot change odac tee shirt... wat the hell.. say its pioneer shirt... but if cannot let go... then.. can never look forward...

hmm... if cannot let go.. can never look forward... like this quote... ]

lets see.... got nth to blog today.. but jus found out today... that there are TWO people from my class that wans u to tell secrets to them but never tell you theirs.. and the worst thing is that they claim they will tell u... wat rubbish.. one is gwen the other is doranne.

that stupid gwen... when she ask me who i like.. dun tell her then her face black black.. then amanda forced me to tell gwen bcos she say gwen looked sad.. yesh she indeed did.. ok.. so i told her... then when i asked her who she liked... she claimed that it was some stupid post. wtf lor.. quite pissed off lorx...

then stupid doranne... kip digging and digging... jus tell us who u like can? say me shu and chris not brother enuf.. look who's tokin lorx...

i'm in a constant bad mood nowadays... dunno y... muz be the extra lessons..

Thursday, September 04, 2003

so.. u took back ur words.
its ok.
i know u r lost.
so am i.

got the ans. thanks.
but i dunno the next step to take.

alrite. i'm in a fucking bad mood. muz be the gp essay that is killing me.. and the noisy little boy who is disturbing me with his playing.. omg! but... i made it a point never to hit him... only shout at him... now feel so bad... cos he looked sad ya... haiz... but i have a throbbing headache... can't take it anymore... can't finish that essay... can't seem to do any of the questions there.... how? haiz...

got back my results....
A level subjects
Geog: E
Lit: E
Econs: B

A'O' Level
Chinese: E8
GP: D7

okie.. passed 3 A's.. hmm... okie....

i know i should't have cursed.... okie.. i'm sorry... i promise to cut down...

can't get it why she can get along so well with him.. he's like so shitty? haiz... but its her frens...

hmm.... the feeling of myself being unsure over her is coming back again... mayb i shudn't have told her... how? cos........ i dunno..... i really dun... mayb i'm not thinkin straight today.... forgive me ppl....

my eyelids failing me........... like angela's msn nick though...
" DON'T LET A KISS FOOL YOU, DON'T LET A FOOL KISS YOU COS KISSES AREN'T PROMISES"

maybe i dun need an ans. from u.
cos. i... dunno why.
there is no reason
there is no rationale.
we dun tok much
if we got together,
wud it work out?
i dunno.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

An answer i'm waiting for
patience - a little more
Silently, day by day
You - attention whom i pay
As time flows away
In my heart, you will stay
but. the ans, i'm still waiting for.

hmm... sorry.. din blog yest.. had aerobics marathon yest and it was fun! haha...

today had odac... self training.. with kai kian, de wei and zheng yang...

kai kian had spine pains... but now ok le... de wei had chest pains... he said too long nvr excercise.. tt's y...
i cudn;t keep up with zheng yang.. he's an angry man today.. so he jus whacked and i jus tried to follow... ya.. ran 2.4km with him... then ran a few rounds with all of them.. add together... shud be more than 10 rounds... some we sprint.. some we jog.. some we run... haiz... PTI have to train ya... so.. have to run... then did different kinds of push ups.. like diamond, wide hand, tiger, spider, inclined... and standard.. did 40 standard only.. but others did less lar... realised i can do.. hmmm...

tmr got pe... yup... and Aos have to see mr. goh after pe... hmm... siao liao lar... but anyway.. learnt to let go.. bcos i found out tt i am not the one who is gonna kena if work is not done.. so wat for get worked up? and i found out smth... IF my temper wasn't so bad.. i cud be more than an AO.. hmm... i agree with this.. my temper's my weakness... but dun worry guys... i wun pick up a fight with other ppl.. think my last fight was like in 1st intake... its a scuffle lar... din exchange blows on the face... everywhere else though...

i muz be a good boy.. hmm.. got back common test results.. FAILED GP by 1/1/2 marks... FAILED CHI by 7 marks... GEOG: E, ECONS: B... hmm.. dunno how i will do for lit...

yan sze went for training today... she ah.. haiz.. nth to say le lar.. watever le lar.. she shud know her legs better than me... hmm... ya... erm... hehe.. wats 532? found out le? i still dunno.... eh.. can dun go work? pls..... dun go......

i'm tired....

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

in library now.. with shu and cat.. shu wants to say hi.... and chris isn't here.... guess y? mwahhahaha... he's with *ahem* in the library... omg! they are hugging each other lorx.... shit lor... hug in school... idiotx... cat says she misses tri...watever...

hmm... boring.. yan sze din come to sch today.... lay ee din come too... sianz... not fun.. haha.... anyway... stupid huili nvr leave a tag on my board... idiotz... wat kind of PR is tt? nvr promote basketball.. muz be like shu... promote odac all day long... haha...(wat a joke)

ya... read abt all of ur comments on the meeting... i know i need anger management class... any recommendations? hmm...
hmmmmmm..... -_-" dunno wat to post... shu wans to say hi again.. and gwen says she's a big sucker! haha... extreme somemore! haha... can't imagine someone calling herself a sucker... omg!! oooo.. she massaging my neck now... wait yan sze jealous... mwahahahahahahah! oh ya.. miss yan sze... no chocs for u le.. sick le cannot eat.. who ask u go eat ice cream nvr bring me along.... idiotx... oh ya... u stupid gal... why XT and SY go study.. u go with them? spoil their time ahx? stupid gal... oh no.... here comes xiu zhi... shucks...

Monday, September 01, 2003

anyway... i'm not telling u all who is the gal... she hasn't given me an ans yet too... hmm.. she says she need time to think....

very sad now. bcos of odac.
its gonna be a long entry... really long... so.. dun read if u r not interested.

Reflections on ODAC EXCO meeting 2
Date:01/09/2003
Time Frame: 1100 – 1800

The meeting started off with all the exco committee not knowing where to meet. Our dear president told us to meet at toa payoh interchange w/o telling us which part of the interchange to meet. As a result, time was wasted trying to contact ppl to tell them where exactly to meet. Ok. Nvm… that’s beside the point. So.. we went for lunch at kfc… cos its empty and we wanted to discuss stuff dere… but in the end… we decided to move to an abandoned restaurant and there was space dere.

So, the meeting started off proper. 4 hours passed since and nothing was discussed. The objectives were not discussed. Smth seemed very wrong.. de wei seemed to ask for our opinions.. but he puts down other opinions that we give tt doesn’t conform to wat he has suggested which is mountain climbing. This is wat puzzles me most. He asks for suggestions and he tells us his preference. Cmon.. odac isn’t jus abt u only..

Split up into different dept to discuss each roles and responsibilities. There was smth controversial from the AOs.. we said we were the pillars of ODAC… hmm.. de wei din like it.. but someone mentioned that de wei like in a govt, is a president while the AOs are the prime minister. A good analogy indeed.

By this time, tensions were running high. I was kinda not satisfied that we haven’t gotten down to our objectives after 2 meetings and countless hours.. all bcos we din agree to mountain climbing. De wei toked and he asked for comments on the meeting… I commented that we should be open to suggestions and transparent. And a point of clarification from me was that I was not openly trying to challenge the president but maybe my tone and way of phrasing things aren’t clear.. so.. may misinterpret. Cleared up tt point..

Here comes the climax.. xuan yu toks.. and he tells us smth.. here is the transcript:

XY: I noticed smth diff from the 15th batch and the 16th batch… they were highly competitive for the exco places and when they sat down by the 2nd meeting, they had their objectives and slogans all out.
Gary: but different people have different ways of working…
XY: ya. I know.. I was just trying to say that they…..
Gary: ok… listen! u have to learn to listen!
XY: ok.
Gary: From all our meetings till now, u have been doin a comparison bet the 15th batch exco and the 16th batch exco.. u keep saying how great they are and how efficient they are. Well, u were part of the 15th batch, wat are u? I haven’t seen wat u have described them to be in you.

Xy din say anything anymore.. his face was really black.. everyone was shocked and silent. My barrage of criticisms muz have shocked everyone. I know I hurt him badly… shuming speaks.. but I can’t really remember wat he said.. but his point was that AOs could split up the work to others… the AOs not necessarily have a final say in activities.

The meeting was dismissed. I went to want to apologise to xuan yu.. but he jus walked away.
Shu ming told me that I hurt xuan yu real badly and that if I was xuan yu, he wud have jus punched me.. Angeline said: “ even me who was not close to xuan yu after listening to u.. I felt sorry for him… I had a feeling of wanting to cry…”
De wei: “ eh gary… u were too harsh with ur words…”
Kai kian: “ eh.. relax lar… dun like tt next time… u really were hurting..”

I know I was.. I’m sorry… I know shuming was kinda pissed at my behaviour over the past few meetings… I attributed it to many factors like xuan yu making noise or my temper was bad… yes.. my temper Is bad… but wat made my temper bad? Cos we couldn’t get our objective done! I’m really really sorry xuan yu.. I know we shook hands already and u accepted my apologies… but…I know u hate me for telling u off.. I know I shouldn’t have…

I am quite affected by all this.. cos I hurted someone… and I hate really hurting people… esp emotionally… guess wat yan han said is true.. mus learn along the way. to understand ppl, tolerate, adapt, accept n improvise. hmm. perhaps try to b more sensitive? yea. n don exercise power unneccessarily lo. ppl will misunderstand u. mus rem tt they r ur frenz tooo.

I’m sorry shuming. I know u are pissed. Sorry.

I’ve decided to not tok so much next time. I shall kip to myself. I shall. Then mayb things can get done more smoothly. Perhaps joining the exco was all but a mistake.

sweet misery